Reviewed by Mandi
Jane from Dear Author rec’d this book to me, and we have pretty similar tastes in our reading so I listened up. She also said it contained toilet humor, and being the only female in my house, I am quite fond (forced to be fond?) of this type of humor. This book not only made me laugh, a lot, but it turns into a wonderful, sweet and VERY DIRTY romance. The hero is a little awkward and the heroine is a total hoot. It worked for me on all levels.
Let me first say, it took me a couple of chapters before I could settle down and enjoy the heroine. She comes at you hard and fast and a little crass. I think the entire first chapter is her trying to get off as she masturbates. There is a lot of beaver and cooter talk. Hold tight! Don’t let her scare you away – because although her mouth never stops saying crazy things the entire book, she becomes very likable.
Violet has recently graduated college and works as an accountant. Her step-brother named Buck has recently been traded to the Hawks (NHL team) and although Buck and Violet butt heads and call each other names and give each other a hard-time constantly, she likes to go watch him play. I am also amused by Buck – he has a pretty big role in the book, and the two of them made me laugh.
“Buck is a mammoth, like a yeti. A huge, perverted, hairy whore of a yeti. According to the sportscasters, Buck’s an excellent hockey player. I’d agree, based on his yearly salary alone. No one gets that much money for sucking, not even extremely skilled prostitutes.
During one of these games is when she meets Buck’s teammate Alex. Because of Buck, Violet assumes all hockey players are dumb jocks who constantly have sex with the scantily clad hockey hookers and are just basically slime.
My experience with Buck – and the one hockey player I date previously – have led me to the assertion that hockey players aren’t notoriously intelligent. I’m aware this isn’t a universal truth. But Buck certainly reinforces my perceived stereotype: he’s definitely not a rocket scientist. He’s not even a rocket scientist’s assistant.
But when she starts talking to Alex, and he quotes literature and can actually hold a conversation, she has to re-evaluate her perception of hockey men.
Alex is a good guy and a very well-known hockey player. His agent likes him to look like he is a ladies man, so he has an image of sleeping with lots of women and always in the tabloids – but in reality, this is not the case. He gets his fair share of women, but he lets his image go down the tubes so he has more appeal to the ladies which might land him more endorsements. Alex doesn’t love this, but he goes along with it.
Ending up having a one night stand with Violet, he realizes he really, really likes this girl. She is funny and witty and loves to have sex. Like, really, really loves to have sex. He starts to court her, all the while Violet cautiously embraces it, as she is too scared he is just a hockey womanizer and will use her and dump her. But as his courtship progresses, she starts to realize just how lovely he is, and a truly swoon-worthy romance develops.
Violet worships Alex’s cock – she refers to it as “monster cock” because of how big it is. Monster Cock plays a big role in this book. The journey that Monster Cock goes on is quite extraordinary.
Alex Waters is an aberration of cock.
“What is that?” The question is inane. But, honestly, what the fuck am I supposed to do with this?
Alex chuckles nervously. As is appropriate since I’m holding his dick and I’m clearly not sane.
Alex is a bit awkward. I mean, he is really, really dirty in bed, but he blurts out very dirty things and then worries that he has somehow offended Violet, so he acts ashamed. It’s totally adorable. Like when he calls her on the phone…
“Are you in your jammies?” His voice is so low it’s almost a rumble.
“Sorry, nothing. I didn’t mean to ask that. It just came out. I’m sorry.”
And here I thought I was the awkward one. Maybe Alex is drunk dialing me. I go with it, lowering my voice to what I hope is a sultry whisper. “Do you want to know what I’m wearing?”
“Yes. No. Is this a trick question? Only if you won’t hang up on me for saying yes, otherwise no.”
He’s cute, even for a manwhore.
Alex knows he has to convince Violet he isn’t what his image is in the media, and that he is truly the one for her. His courtship of her is so sweet. Texts, emails and gifts when he is on road games. Out on dates when he is home. The author does a really nice job of letting their courtship unfold at an easy pace.
Violet may be obsessed with Monster Cock, but Alex is obsessed with her boobs. He speaks to them as they are their own entity. Violet can whip those suckers out and Alex can literally do nothing else but worship them.
She gives my cock a soft, slow stroke. “I missed you.” Leaning in, she nuzzles my dick against her cheek. Violet looks up and brushes her lips over the head.
“Fuck. Baby, don’t do that.”
“Why not?” She give me another stroke.
“I appreciate the sentiment, but–“
She runs her tongue across the slit. I’m sweaty and disgusting, but if it tastes bad, she doesn’t let on. I think I love her. My cock jerks in her hand, and I hit my head against the lockers, the heavy thud echoing in the room.
If she puts her mouth on me, I’ll come. I can’t let that happen. Sex in the locker room is my number one fantasy. Well, maybe not my number one – that’s boob sex. Anywhere. This is a close second.
There is a ton of sex in this book, but I never got bored with it. How can you get bored…especially with hot, angry locker room sex after he gets thrown out of a game.
His muscles are tense, his jaw flexing, and his nostrils flare with his wrath. He hurtles his skate across the room. It slams into the wall, leaving a hole in the drywall.
I’m nervous and my panties are damp. My though is singular: angry, hot, locker-room sex.
His eyes are vibrant with ire. His back expands and contracts with every heavy exhalation of breath. He rolls his shoulders, his gaze moving over me in a hungry, feral sweep.
Oh. My. God. He’s terrifyingly hot. Like The Hulk, but sexy not green.
I’m so going to get laid in a locker room.
As I mentioned in the beginning, the book ends with a scene that is so darn funny I just couldn’t stop laughing. All I say is it involves Monster Cock. Poor Alex.
For all the sex talk, cooter talk, beaver talk and dick talk in this book – there is an actual very sweet and adorable romance that emerges. Because the author gives so much attention to the courtship and romance, this book works very well. I hope you guys enjoy it as much as I did.
Grade : B+