World’s Dumbest Author Moments
Okay, I’ll confess: I’m easily amused. I love failblog.org, and the un-husband and I have been known to watch World’s Dumbest (Whatever) on Tru TV. This gem not only includes video clips of people doing really dumb things, there’s the added bonus of B-list celebs doing MST3000-type commentaries on the clips.
Given that … I need to own up to a recent dumb moment of my own. The other weekend I was at a writers’ conference, talking to several relatively new writers about their stories. I had just turned in a novella, had done several appearances promoting the April 6th release of Demonkeepers, and had missed a meal somewhere along the line. Realizing that I was starting to fade, I turned to the nearby goody table for a snack.
Now, for those of you who aren’t familiar with the concept, the goody table is where conferences display promo items—these giveaways tend to be heavy on the bookmarks and pens, but I’ve seen novelty condoms, stress reliever balls, t-shirts, and a variety of other stuff.
The key here is that there is almost always chocolate somewhere on the goody table. And not only am I a chocoholic, it’s symbolic of my stories: Chocolate arose among the ancient Maya, and I write a sexy series about the modern-day magi who are racing to prevent the rise of ancient Mayan demons on 12/21/2012.
So I grabbed a Kit Kat with a Hannah Howell historical cover on it, and a pretty handmade white chocolate heart that promoted Ashlyn Chase’s lighthearted eroticas. I figured Hannah and Ashlyn would forgive me for snagging their promo items in the interest of my not whomping down unconscious in the hallway.
Returning to my chat with the newcomers, I downed the Kit Kat, unwrapped the white chocolate heart, and bit in.
It wasn’t white chocolate. It was soap.
Euuuwgh! My parents hadn’t ever used the soap-in-mouth punishment on me, so this was a first. And not a pleasant one! But I played it cool, rewrapped the soap, stuck it in my pocket, and continued on as if nothing had happened. Inwardly, though, I was doing the ew-ew-ew dance and wishing like heck I had read the label! LOL.
Later, I confessed to Ashlyn and several other friends, and we had a good laugh about it.
Ironically, that’s something that Lucius, the hero of Demonkeepers, would do. Back when he was pure human of the nerdly variety, he embarrassed himself like that at regular intervals. But now that a twist of magic has given him powers beyond belief, he’s got a whole new set of problems—not the least being that he’s being teamed up with Jade, the one-night stand he never forgot … and it’s up to them to foil the ancient Mayan demons who are bent on destroying the sun god and plunging the earth into darkness.
So, to celebrate dumbest moments, Murphy’s law, and the release of Demonkeepers, I’m asking you to share a dumbest moment, ask me a question, or just say “Hey!”
All comments are entered to win a signed copy of Demonkeepers today on Smexy!
For more information on Demonkeepers and the other Nightkeeper novels, please check out www.JessicaAndersen.com.
Demonkeepers is in stores now! Or, to get a signed copy delivered to you, please visit http://store.radcliffbookstore.com and click on ‘virtual signing.’ As a bonus, you can also order a signed copy of Ward’s Lover Mine, which will be out later in April, and get 25% off the two together!
Thanks Jessica!! You will have through Saturday to leave a comment and I will announce the winner on Sunday. Contest open to all.
Hello well my dumbest moment happen not to long ago I was in the middle of the play and I forgot all my lines. Everything blanked out I felt really dumb for studying for 3 weeks and then forgetting my lines.
elizabethcerna2011@gmail.com
From high school, this is a moment that to this day (15 years later) I still haven't lived down. We were discussing Lord of the Flies in class and I kept referring to the "uninhibited" island instead of "uninhabited" island. Knowing the story, I still say I wasn't totally wrong but it was a good laugh at my expense.
@ Mandi– Thanks for having me on today, and for reviewing Demonkeepers!
@ Elizabeth– Oh, nooooes! I always feel so bad when that happens (like on American Idol or something). Me, I do better with the written word. Props to you for putting yourself out there in the first place!
@ Giles– Rooaaarrring! And, yeah, I think there's an argument for 'uninhibited' there :)
Hey! Demonkeepers sounds very interesting! I do dumb thing on a daily basis but usually I'm good at covering so usually nobody notices. I remember last year when I was taking my clothes off with curtains open, and do I have to say that the window of my bedroom looks onto very busy street :) Have a great weekend!
Jessica, thanks for the laugh this morning. I needed it. Hope you eventually got your chocolate.
@ host– Eek! Although, hmmm, methinks there might be the beginnings of a story in there somewhere …
@ Stephanie– You're very welcome! And yes, I did manage to get myself fed before I had to give my first workshop! Have a great Friday :)
LOL! SOAP?!?!? Ewww girly I bet that didnt taste very good! lol
Dumbest moment…hmmm…idk if theres one above all but one thing I did do…*shaking head…well Im 5 years younger than my hubby and all his friends. The first time I met them I was only 20 and felt intimidated that they were all 5-10 years older than me…we were talking about different states etc and someone asked me a question I didnt know…what did I say to them…"Eh Im not really good at geology" OMG…mortified when they all laughed at me!!! I MEANT Geography! *sigh ya I still get teased about that…mainly b/c I totally didnt realize I said it and had a "what" look on my face! lol
Great post babe! ;o) Have a great weekend!
LOL…great story. So something that could happen to me. What do you want to hear? A coffee story? Just BF sees those but laughs enough for 10 ppl. LOL
So I'm like a zombie in the morning before I get my first caffeine fix so the whole I-make.myself-coffee task is rather complicated for me. I already had everything: from making hot water instead of coffee cuz I forgot to put the coffee in the machine to putting passion fruit juice in the coffee instead of milk. Yeah, both incidents weren't really yummy.
But I have a ton of these public incidents too: once I bought coffee at the next bakery and she gave the to-go coffee. I could smell the coffee and was so distracted that I put the creamer into the trash and the creamer container into the coffee. Yep, everyone behind me found that one really funny.
So as you can see coffee is mighty important to me! =)
Have a great weekend you two!
You just made me snort!! What a great story.
I had a particularly frustrating day, running errands, nothing going right, arguing with sales clerks, meeting at my daughters school where the youngest daughter threw up in the middle of it etc. Seriously, I was ready to go home and forget the day. I got home, sat down, and was reflecting on all the things that happened during that day thinking I was glad it was over and I could just relax. My final humiliation? I looked down and my shirt was inside out. Yeah.
@ Monroe– Nope, I definitely wouldn't recommend soap (even lovely handmade soap) as an appetizer. LOLOLOL on the geology! Too funny :)
@ Susi– Looove the coffee stories! Total Diet Coke On Monitor moment with the creamer container. My significant other had a day like that a few weeks ago– I came into the kitchen to find coffee everywhere (he had forgotten the pot) and, inexplicably, a package of cheddar in the silverware drawer.
@ Fiction Vixen– Glad you enjoyed the story, and LOLOLOL on the shirt. Isn't that *just* the way it happens?? URgh! Well, hope you're not having one of those days today!
Hihi, funny ;)
A dumb moment, well there was the time I was walking to school and kept wondering what that nice scent was? Kept wondering and wondering, asked a friend…hours later it dawned on me, it was my shampoo
Oh Jess…soap? I just got back from Borders where I picked up DK. Can't wait to crack open the cover. Hope to see you soon in CT. Congrats on Demon Keepers!
I sincerely cannot think of a dumb thing right now. I think I have blocked the memories. So I will share my husbands. *giggles* He asked a lady when she was due to give birth. You guessed it, she was NOT pregnant! Poor hubs!
Egh…. I hope you found something to get rid of the soap taste soon.
As for my dumb moment…. hmmm…
I once had to write an article on Harvey Keitel for the magazine of a youth center and I left it till very late so wrote it in about ten minutes and didn't check it again. I should have as when it was printed it turned out I wrote Keitel as Kietel throughout the article, which is bad enough in itself, but in the Netherlands 'kietel' is an actual word meaning 'tickle'. My friends all had a very good laugh while I felt sooo dumb.
My most recent KC dumbest moment has to be on twitter the other day. I sometimes get random songs stuck in my head, yesterday is was Greece "Shape Up" I tweeted:
Shut-Up 'cause I need a man-unh and my heart is set on youuu-uh. I have over 1,000 followers. It's Shape Up not shut up. Sigh.
So funny! Sounds like something I would do and also makes me grateful to know that I am not the only one that does stupid things:) I'm a bit on the uncoordinated side which means that I am forever stumbling, tripping, smacking my head etc. Embarrassing moments are the norm around my house. The one I will share:
Back in the day I used to be a supervisor for a retail store and had to work the early morning shift (ugh). One morning I unlocked the door and the alarm beeped like always to let me know that I had only a few seconds to enter the code. Only my mind went utterly and horribly blank, and I completely forgot the code! Alarms sounded, managers were called and the cops even showed up! Not my best moment for sure.
@ blodeuedd– Hah! At least it was a *good* smell, and not of the 'who stepped in dog poo? um … sorry, that'd be me' variety!
@ Natascha– Hey! Would love it if you could make the CT signing! (And/or if you're in the mood to work on your writing, check out 'FictionFest' being held by CTRWA the following weekend.) Thanks for picking up DK :)
@ Robin– Awww, poor hubby! LOL. I very carefully *don't* ask that question, just in case.
@ Sullivan McPig (such a great name, I felt the need to write it out)– That's a classic! D'oh!!
@ Smokinhot– LOL! Isn't it funny how the brain locks onto something and makes it look right? Or you stare at it and think 'hmm… that looks a little funny…' but can't quite put your finger on why?
@ Anna– Noooo! Mental vapor-lock under pressure … with cops. Somehow that makes it all that much worse! (and, forgive me for laughing, but funnier)
Looks like a great book! I am really starting to love Paranormal!
Jessica, what is your muse when writing your books?
Please count me in.
cindyc725 at gmail dot om
Congrats on the release!
My dumbest moment is probably when I jumped off a stair (yes 1 stair from the actual floor) and managed to break my ankle. I could have just taken 1 step down and been ok, but no I jumped.
bacchus76 at myself dot com
@ dyockman- Thanks for taking a look at the series! Paranormals are super fun, imho, because there can be such a huge variety of mythologies involved, and what is done with them :)
@ Book Gossip- Hmmm… I don't know if it's a muse, per se, but I have a collection of silly desk things (stuffed animals, some Mayan fakes, an original Admiral Akbar figurine, that sort of thing) that I arrange to stare at me accusingly while I write, so I'll be less inclined to web surf instead of working!
@ donnas– Ooooh, that's a tough one. I bet you were kicking … er, pinching yourself afterwards! Hope it healed okay– it's raining here in New England today, so my various injury relics are twinging away.
I think my dumbest moment was I went to the restroom at a restaurant and I couldn't remember where my husband and I were sitting and walked around aimlessly looking for our table until I gave up and went to the car. My husband was so embarrassed he told the waitress that I was his mentally deranged sister.
Crystal816[at]hotmail[dot}com
Hi Jessica,
Congrats on the new release and I love your books!
My dumbiest moment was when I was a kid my bro and I were in a raft heading for shore. My bro jumped out and the raft started sailing away with me in it towards the other side (which was far away) and I started screaming and jumping up and down (lucky I didn't fall into the water – though I could swim but not a stronger one).
My parents told me to just sit quietly in the boat and let it drift to the other side which it eventually did!
Congratulations on your new release – it sounds like a great read!
Your story about eating soap really reminded me of the dumbest thing I ever did. My only defense is that I was only 2 years old at the time & I have no memory of it happening although I get regularly reminded of it by my family LOL.
I was out playing in the garden & my Dad was very shocked when I came running into the house saying "I don't like this jelly". He was horrified when he spotted half a slug in my hand & realised the rest was in my mouth – turns out I thought it was blackcurrant jelly!! (I think you'd know it as jello in the US).
I still cringe when I think about that happening! I've probably got a million other stories I could tell you but I'll leave it at just that one for now LOL
@ Crystal- DietCokeSnort. Okay, I've lost my car in parking lots before (usually because I'm looking for the wrong vehicle), but can't say I've ever lost the un-husband in a restaurant. Though in this day and age, I guess we can just text for directions! Thanks for sharing that one :)
@ RazLover- Eek! I don't know, I think I might've done the same thing at that age. There's something about being stuck alone, floating in relatively deep water, that triggers the old primordial flight response, I think!
@ Sarah– LOLOL and Euwgh! Though I'll admit that family legend says I used to share kibble with the family cat. And look at it this way, at least you didn't *like* the taste of Slug Tartare!
Well, I'm fond of dumping soup in my lap or spilling any amount of food off my plate onto the table :-)
Sarah
I loved your soap moment! It sounds like something I would totally do. Demon Keepers looks like a great book!
Dumbest moment? There are so many to choose from. The one that stands is when I was going through sorority rush in college and my foot fell asleep. I went to leave, and couldn't stand on it. I almost knocked the sorority's tv off the stand. All the other rushees had left, and I was left there, while the sisters were singing their good bye song. It was awful…however it did leave an impression and I was asked to join the sorority-they told that story at every rush party. :)
I too have many dumb moments so I just go most recent. Night before last I was walking down my friends driveway and I noticed our friends high sitting truck. I mentally noted that the mirror on the side was head level for me. As I walked I keep reminding myself Don't walk into the mirror, Don't walk into the mirror and bam right into the tree right next to the truck. My face is still calling me stupid lol
This happens to me all the time, and I never learn my lesson. So, I always forget to eat before I go to class and my belly starts talking! It makes these big growls, like it wants the whole classroom to know that I'm hungry! Betrayer! Nobody has ever said anything to me about it (yet), so I can sorta pretend that no one hears.
It is so embarrassing, so I am confused why I haven't learned to stuff something in my face before I head to class.
patronus89013 at yahoo dot com
i'm not able to think of anything particularly dumb at the moment and not because i've not had my share its just my mind is toast since I had surgery a few weeks ago. So i'll just say Hi.
scrtsbpal at yahoo dot com
I do the dumb thing on a regular basis, but one of the dumbest has to be the time when my head collided with the sitting room's bay window quite hard because I hadn't 'seen' the window. And I did it in front of the bf. Let's say he makes sure I'll never forget about this incident.
I can't think of any one specific 'dumbest moment' off the top of my head right now. I'm sure I've had several that would qualify over the years.
So I'll just say Hello and congrats on your latest release.
@ Buckeye Girl– Points to the sistahs for taking you despite (or because of!) your moment. I once killed a lamp while meeting a boyfriend's family for the first time, so I'm feeling you!
@ Jennifer- Rooooaring! I was so expecting that you walked into the mirror anyway, that I didn't see the tree coming. So to speak :)
@ Marianna- Now, the question is, having written it down, are you going to snaffle something before you leave next time? If you're like me, the answer is 'prolly not'. LOL.
@ PamK– Hi, and thanks for stopping by!
@ Christine– Ouch! And snicker. I'm sure he has (or soon will) do something equally embarassing that you can hold over him!
@ Beth– Thanks for the congrats, and hello back! I appreciate you stopping by :)
To all, I'm off to bed now, but will check back in the a.m. to catch any new posts! Thanks so much for hanging out with me today, and spending a little time with Jade, Lucius, and the Keepers. Have a great weekend!
Eating soap. Oh not fun. I can't tell you all about my dummest moment as it's too humilating. Let's just say that while doing a speech in…I suppose the equivalent is middle school…I used a word I probably shouldn't of used in my speech. No, not a swear word, but a slang word. I didn't know the alternate meaning…I soon worked it out when the class started laughing hysterically. And I'm still mortified about it over 20 years later! Gosh…has it really been that long? YIKES! It's scary what stays with you.
Jessica – all the best for the release of DemonKeepers. I have SkyKeepers sitting near the top of my TBR list!
i could not think about any dumbest moment right now, coz i'm still mourning. my grandma was passed away yesterday. but i really like to read this book :)
uniquas at ymail dot com
@ orianna– Oops!! Well… when we were that age, the grown ups were always encouraging us to expand our vocabularies, right? You were just testing the theory :)
@ mariska– My sympathies. Thanks for stopping by, and best of luck in the drawing!
Hey!
(Sorry, couldn't resist!)
Sassy dot Brit at gmail dot com
LOL
Oy, so many dumb moments to choose from. I'm also a klutz with a short attention span. Road trips are fun – for everyone else at least. On a recent shopping spree, I got tangled up in a Mickey Mouse display at the Disney store – not what it sounds like, I swear! – and ended up underneath an avalanche of stuffed animals. The kids got entertainment out of it but the staff, not so much, lol
I love your series, Jessica! It's so different from anything in the paranormal market and such a breath of fresh air! Thank you for entertaining my short attention span! It's not easy :)
Hi Jessica!
thanks for sharing your story – I could almost taste it for myself *gg*
congrats on the release of Demonkeepers!!!! I loved book 1 and the others are already waiting in the bookshelf *g*
wish you all the best,
Ina
Cute story.
How about the ol' dress caught in the top of the pantyhose deal. Oh, and yes I was on break from work. I walked up and down our mall like that until someone finally told me. Luckily it was the middle of the week during late morning. Only people to really see me was the other workers. Still embarrassing! O_o
@ Sassy- Hey back! LOL.
@ Amber Leigh- You're very welcome, and I'm happy you're liking the books! Snicker on the Mickey Moment– I can totally picture it (with myself as the one with stuffed creatures raining down around me while small children howl- lol). Thanks for sharing!
@ Ina- Thanks so much for the good wishes, and for having the books! I hope you love them when they get to the top of the TBR pile!
@ Melissa- Ohhh nooes! Not the dress in the pantyhose! Ahhh! Glad the audience was minimal though :)
To all, I'm outies, but thanks so much for hanging out with me, and for maybe taking a peek at Demonkeepers! Best of luck in the drawing, and I wish you wonderful reading!
Jess
I have a very dumb habit of thinking that I have spotted a friend only to realize I am frantically waving, like a loon, at a complete stranger.
marypres@gmail.com
Great story!!
Love this cover! And I'm really looking forward to reading this series. Enter me please.
Let's see, my dumbest moment, well I have MANY of those. I tend to speak without a filter so generally if I'd just hold my thought for one more second, I wouldn't make so many blunders. For example, my mom bought a sand hourglass. My first thought spoken aloud on that was "Ooo cool. How long does it take for all the sand to go through?" My mom replies a little hesitantly while looking at me as though I'd grown horns, "Uh…an hour." Yeah, I'd figured that one out immediately after I'd asked the question. I do this A LOT. But it's always pretty funny and no one can say I'm boring. *wink*
:) VFG
Your story made me laugh, I can just taste the soap!
The dumbest thing I can think of right now is when I locked my keys in my office just before setting the alarm to go home. I'm the only one in the office and in a panic because I can't leave without my keys. I called a co-worker to come back to work and open my office for me. After she did, we realized that the office next to mine was unlocked and there was a connecting sliding door between the two offices. I could have just gone through there to get into my office, doh!
I've eaten soap on accident before. It was disgusting lol