Must Love Vampires by Heidi Betts
October 1, 2011
Paranormal Romance
Trade Paperback
Kensington
Reviewed by Mandi
Must Love Vampires actually contains two stories, each coming in at about 100 pages. Following identical twins and their encounters with vampire brothers.
“Vampnapped”
“I’m like a sexual camel. I can live on that one orgasm for another ten years, easy.”
That quote makes me giggle. And I think this book could have been a very light-hearted funny book, if it didn’t have such a ridiculous plot. Charlotte Lamoreaux, aka Chuck, works for the Sin City Tattler in Las Vegas. Think National Enquirer. She spends her time hunting down big foot and ghost stories, and is still waiting for her big break – and she think she knows exactly what story will push her into the spotlight. Sebastian Raines, casino owner and not only is he “one of the richest men in Nevada, possibly the entire United States or even the world” but she thinks he is a vampire. Secretly following him, she needs to get into his penthouse to investigate her suspicions. She comes up with this plan: pretend to be her identical twin sister, Chloe who is a showgirl at Sebastian’s casino. Chuck who knows Chloe’s dance routine, dresses up like her and performs her show which allows her to gain backstage pass. But before she can attempt to sneak up to Sebastian’s penthouse, he realizes she is following him. Using his vampire powers (oh no, he really is a vampire!) he makes her sleep and kidnaps her up to his penthouse.
From here silliness ensues. He transforms into a cat to keep an eye on her as she awakes and starts searching through his penthouse. Meanwhile, he is very attracted to her. When he finally transforms into a man and she realizes vampires are real she doesn’t even freak out that much. Now, I assume no one else in the world knows vampire exist – but we get no world building in this book so maybe I’m mistaken. I was even more confused when Sebastian admits he doesn’t have any condoms and Chuck says, “I’ve done my homework. Vampires can’t carry blood-borne human diseases or transmit them to others. And pregnancy is a non –issue.” What research did Chuck do? From other tabloid magazines? It doesn’t make any sense.
From here they can’t control their attraction and sleeping with each other is the only option. Sebastian had planned on erasing Chuck’s memory so she wouldn’t blab to the Tattler about the existence of vampires but after having sex, he is too sleepy and wore out to worry about it. He has been alive for 400 years, and sex with Chuck is just too much to take? 24 hours later, they are pretty much in love and even imply that one day they will be married. Not cute and funny, more just makes you want to roll your eyes.
“Married…With Fangs”
Although Vampnapped didn’t do it for me, I carried forward with the second short story involving Chuck’s twin sister Chloe. Taking place during the same time period, while Chuck is out stalking Sebastian, Chloe is racing to the alter with her boyfriend of one month, Aidan (Sebastian’s brother). I thought okay, this story might turn out better because they are already in love and ready to get married.
But I was wrong. They get married and have pages of sex Pretty hot sex actually, but I digress. Because then we discover Aidan has yet to tell Chloe he is a vampire! Really? You marry her and she has no idea? But during sex he can’t control himself and he bites her and starts drinking her blood. Her reaction is more like – dude, you bit me? And then falls asleep, waking up the next morning to think it was a dream. But Aidan feels like it is time to confess. He admits to her he is a vampire – of course she doesn’t believe him. Although she can see his fangs and his fang marks on her neck.
But wait! The secrets aren’t done! Chloe has one of her own – she has a three year old son who is staying at her mom’s house while she raced to the alter. Surprise Aidan! You are a step-daddy. What is wrong with these people? Aidan takes the news well, and wants to go meet his new son immediately! So Chloe takes him. Even though she has an inkling he is a vampire. She has no idea if vampires are dangerous – but she puts her son in his path?
At this point my head started hurting. I like lighter, funnier silly romance books sometimes. But I have to at least be able to believe in the character’s actions and motives. These characters and these plots made no sense.
Rating: D-
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Scooper Speaks
Paranormal Haven – 4/5
Goodreads
Too bad the plot was so ridiculous. I can see why your head started hurting. :(
Yeah..just didn’t work for me
I enjoyed your review because it made my very tired brain smile….other than that, I have no words.
Definitely not for me
I took a pass on this one. Kind of glad I did since we usually agree on books.
yeah..that was a good call
Wow! This books sounds a little too goofy to me. Definitely not my cup of tea.
Yes..way too goofy. I wanted to laugh but it was just…not funny.
I read another Vampie book by this author. The cover had some Hill Billy with a Santa hat on standing in a a graveyard. It was filled with short stories and I couldn’t finish it. So I can relate :)
I think that one is or was free recently..I haven’t tried it
I did like your review, but more about what you did not like about it. And I have to agree: a story needs to be believable. Or at least, I need to be able to relate to the characters and their actions.
Too bad :/ I like light too, well I love light pnr, but yes it gotta make sense.
This one made no sense
Hands down i like this book :) I think its sexy and just because you dont relate to the characters doesnt mean anything. To me it would be like a fantasy you never know what would come next.
I’m glad you enjoyed:)
But…relating to characters means everything. I need a reason to believe in them and to want to discover what is to happen to them. For me in this book, I couldn’t find any reason to care what happens to them.
You are scaring me. I just picked this book up from the library. SIGH.