If You Give a Duke a Duchy, or, Love’s Savage Whiplash by Sydney Somers, Kinsey Holley, Kelly Jamieson, Skylar Kade, Erin Nicholas, Juniper Bell, Meg Benjamin, Kate Davies, and P.G. Forte.
Historical Romance
E-Book
Self Published

Reviewed by Mandi

Favorite Quote: “Why, pirate, have you misplaced your peg leg, or are you just pleased to see me?”

I think if we start with the blurb for this book, we will set the tone appropriately:

Being a Tale of Panting Passion wherein a Disaffected Duke runs away to Sea to become a Pirate and ends up becoming Love Slave to a Ninja Queen, whilst at home he is replaced by a Nefarious Highwayman and ne’er-do-well who is, in turn, Ultimately Redeemed by his love for a Poor but Virtuous Governess.

And that’s no lie. This is a parody Brought to you by the same authors that wrote, The Zillionaire Vampire Cowboy’s Secret Werewolf Babies, (which I have not read but I think I might) this book is set up with a different author writing each chapter, although the book flows smoothly through.

Our story starts with the five year old Fifth Duke of Earl (who’s real name is “Firth Darcy” (*ahem*) being thrown into a river, mistakenly by his valet who was suppose to throw the parrot Pemberley in (who speaks..a lot..and is in the entire book). He is rescued by the “Dread Highwayman Roberts” who raises him into a dastardly highwayman. He doesn’t remember his childhood, and in a bizarre set of circumstances, gets kidnapped himself and must return to his family seat, Netherloin, and pretend to be the new Duke of Earl. Where he then falls in love with the governess and humorous situations ensues.

The Fifth Duke of Earl has a twin brother, Colin Darcy (*ahem*) who upon learning his Dukedom is broke, and must marry Lady Chastity Feelsgood, runs away from home to become a pirate. After a boring month at sea, he is kidnapped by Quinn, a Ninja Queen, and is forced to be her love slave.

This is a very cute and funny story. It is silly, but also is very entertaining and kept my attention in the afternoon that I read it. There are so many little things in this book, that if I read it again, I’m sure I’d pick up on even more. We basically get the stories of both twin brothers and how they eventually work their way back to Netherloins to of course a happily ever after.

I really enjoyed Colin and his Ninja Queen story. Colin is a dreadful pirate and overall just an innocent dude. He is slow to catch on to things, but he has a rockin’ body that Quinn can’t get enough of. And of course Pemberly the parrot is there to add his two cents…

The beautiful beefcake twisted around and around, trying to hide his jewels from her gaze. He crossed one leg over the other, but a manhood of such proportion was not so easily hidden.

She laughed with delight. “What? Are you embarrassed my pet?”

“Well, I should say so! You just cut my bloody knickers off!”

She couldn’t help herself. The sight of those firm, juicy buttocks flexing as he struggled drove her wild. On impulse, she gave those sweet cheeks a good smack with the flat of her katana.

Suddenly she was before him, her cerulean eyes dark with some unnamed, powerful emotion. “You will be mine, pirate. I find myself strangely drawn to you. Is it those sweet brown orbs, wide with feigned innocence? Is it the taut musceles of your backside, or that dainty little hole that calls to me with such a sweet siren’s voice?”

Colin squawked as her hand hovered in the crease between his two rear globes. That utterance incited an even louder squawk from Pemberley, who fluttered with alarm.

“Awk!! Buttsecks, buttsecks!”

Both pirate and ninja ignored the feathered wing-flapper, a state of affairs which, sadly, was Pemberley’s eternal lot in life.

But I don’t want to mislead you. While there is romance in this book, it is not erotic by any means. I just found those scenes to by very amusing.

I really didn’t know what to expect when I started this book but I really enjoyed the time I spent reading it. Even though each chapter has a different author, you really couldn’t tell. It flows together well, and it made me smile and laugh throughout. As the authors remind you, this is a parody, not meant to be taken seriously, and I think they do a nice job with it. A fun way to spend an afternoon.

Rating: B

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