Assume the Position by T.C. Lee
Erotica
December 15, 2011
Firefly & Wisp Publishing
Reviewed by Mandi
I’m not sure why I accepted this review request. Maybe because it was the start of a new year and I was feeling adventurous. The title made me snort, and I liked the idea of an erotic book involving a police officer. I tried to go into this book just expecting crazy sex (which there is) and go with the erotica. But the non-sex scenes are weak. There is a murder storyline which just made no sense at all. I don’t want to spoil, although there really isn’t much suspense, but it felt like this murder plot was just dropped in the book.
Our heroine Regan wants some excitement in her life. Her last few bed partners have been boring. So when she is pulled over by officer Alex Shaw, and he flirts with her, her interest piques. Not interested in her date Jeremy at all, later that night she decides to floor it through the Alex’s portion of the road and she gets pulled over again.
Right away, Regan “called to his dominant side and made him want to go further with his hidden desires, his needs.” Okay, he has only known her for an hour but I’ll go with it. Alex has many hidden desires, especially with the massive size of his penis.
I have a large cock which some would think is a blessing, but not me.
Alex is dominant and likes to be rough in bed. But his penis is so big, that it hinders him. (Poor guy!). It is so large, the first girl he slept with in high school ended up with four stitches in her vajayjay. (OMG!). It is so big, he never fully can actually fit it inside a woman.
I destroyed the first girl I had sex with, and I’ve never been completely inside a woman before. Jesus, he was sexually fucked up.
So he has hidden shame – a big cock and a rough nature, and no woman has been able to handle him.
Alex’s past began to creep into the back of his mind. The pleas to stop. The hands of his lovers on his chest, pushing him away, stopping the depth he desperately craved. He had always held himself back and attributed that to one of the reasons why he had never been completely satisfied.
Poor, poor Alex. But Regan might be able to solve his woes. First though, we must get through the first sex scene, where they have sex, but Alex is still unable to completely be himself. Of course, he can dirty talk.
“Are you frightened?”
Regan shuddered as his warm breath circled the shell of her ear, “Yes,” she whispered.
“You should be. You’re in a dark alley, with a stranger who wants to fuck you so hard that it will take the Jaws of Life to separate us when I’m through with you.”
Oh officer Shaw! You naughty policeman.
Of course, as the story continues, Alex admits to Regan all of his dominant and penis woes and eventually, Regan is able to fit that entire bad boy inside of her making for happiness and orgasms.
The fullness was intense. When she felt him inside her at a familiar depth, she paused. “See, that wasn’t so bad.”
“Are you trying to take it all in, darlin?”
“There’s more?”
“I told you I wasn’t all the way in last time.”
Even though she hasn’t slept with anyone in years, her vag is still super stretchy!
I would say this book is fun because the sex is erotic and Alex’s penis issues entertained me thoroughly. However, there is much to this book that falls short. Besides the murder investigation, Regan has very naïve reactions to Alex sometimes that didn’t make sense. Alex is pretty unprofessional for a cop, and his demeanor didn’t always fit with his profession.
But I had to know if his massive penis would fit inside of Regan, so I had to finish the book. At the time this review posts, it is free to borrow on Amazon if you have a Kindle and are a Prime member.
Rating: D
Recent Reviews:
Goodreads
Dear god you said “falls short”. And I still can’t stop giggling that Twitter shortened the URL to KONG. It’s like it knew! I have to read this book because you did nothing but traumatise me with huge peen comments yesterday.
ahahahaha…I did!
I loved your review almost as much as I loved reading your tweets the other day. Thanks for the laugh!!!
This was a fun book to discuss at least :)
This book was a hot mess! I laughed, rolled my eyes while reading Assume the Position. You forgot to mention that they had “safe sex” the first time cause Regan was on the pill. O_O I mean seriously? Two strangers in an alley and no mention of a condom whatsoever? He conveniently knew she was on the pill cause he saw it on her purse? *insert eye roll here*
omg..I totally forgot about that. That was weird!
omg now i kind of want to read this just to see what happens when he finally gets it all the way in. :) thanks for the review.
That is why I had to finish it! LOL
Regan has a super hoo haa to take on massive peen? Multiple womb chambers like Passion from Valedez’s Passion?
I have had a lot of people ask me if this is like Passion..LOL.
Hey, you know it’s sexy when the jaws of life are involved. I’m going to read this one. I can’t help it!
I did like the Jaws of Life quote..LOL
I love you Mandi! Thanks for taking one for the team and sharing your hilaous commentary on twitter. I can’t help myself and will be looking to borrow this on Amazon.
Good..I think the borrowing is a nice option. I had to share on Twitter..it was fun :)
I’m sorry, but I’m laughing so hard…the whole um.. male anatomy fitting thing.. LOL. I am with Marquetta on the condom thing. That’s a pet peeve of mine. People who don’t know each just doing it with no precautions…in this day and age?? No….
I know – I was so caught up with the jaws of life I didn’t remember the no condom thing. Boo hiss.
I am so glad I took the time to read this review! Hilarious!
;)
Oh my! Sounds like it is so bad it is good! Might take a look later!
It had its moments;)
Yeesh! Poor first girl he had sex with. Maybe he should be in porn instead
LOL
I’m so tempted to pick up this book now just so I can tell people I’m reading a book about a (bad) cop with a giant peen. LOL
Great review and fantastic twitter posts.
LOL…how could I not share these quotes on twitter? ;)
LOL Great review Mandi-it goes so well with your previous tweets. I find myself strangely compelled to read this while keeping my legs clenched together the whole time. 0_o
It does tend to make one want to cross their legs!
I can understand not liking a book but as you CLEARLY SHOWED above, I did love this book (YES THAT IS ME ABOVE IN YOUR review FORBIDDEN REVIEWS 5/5). Why would you post so many spoilers of this book?
I can see that this book is a big joke to you all but I think it is unfair that you posted so many spoilers of it. Yes I have been around blogging enough to know that you have your right to your opinion, blah blah blah but a major rule in blogging is NO SPOILERS and you did not post anywhere that “the following review contains spoilers”. Why would you even post it?
You can hide behind a screen name and a computer but you are still human and should act so. Just because you are a blogger does not give you the right to trash any book. I am not trying to start any type of blog war (I am 38 years old…my 6th grader knows how to behave better) but I had to make my point clear. If you are going to involve me in this review, then I want my stand made perfectly clear. You might want to double check who you involve in a review from now on.
Mindy
I didn’t mean to imply you were involved in the review. I like to google for other reviews so people have the option of reading different opinions of the book. As with this – you really liked it, so they could read your review and see why. But I will remove your link.
I refrained from posting any spoilers from the murder investigation. I think what I chose to reveal about the romance is not a spoiler.
And because I am a READER, I’m allowed to express my opinion about any book, any way I choose.
I agree that you are allowed to express your views, but you are saying that you agreed to do this review.. so, did the author or publisher send it to you? I just think it’s like a slap in the face to be so mean.. you didn’t like it, post it, but the way you went about it… geesh.. I hope you never write a book.
Can you point out where this review is so mean?
Again, this is how I chose to write this review. This book was on the ridiculous side – IN MY OPINION. I don’t know what else you want me to say.
If writing a neg review is now considered being “mean” we are all in for a world of crap.
Amen sista.
Are you saying the tone or content of a review should be swayed by where the reviewer obtained the book? Where is the integrity in that?
And trust me, if Mandi ever writes a book featuring a giant, woman wrecking cock, I’m going to review it. You can bet on it. lol.
In Mandi’s defense, (yes I said Mandi, since as you can clearly see she is not hiding behind a screen name. She uses her full name both here and at USA today where she writes reviews), she is not involving you in the review. She simply posted links to other reviews as she does on all the reviews here at Smexy Books. She didn’t care for the book and she linked to a favorable review. Simple as that.
As to spoilers, she stated early on: ” I don’t want to spoil, although there really isn’t much suspense, but it felt like this murder plot was just dropped in the book.”
So at that point, if I didn’t want to be spoiled, I would have quit reading. However it doesn’t seem like there is a lot to be spoiled on.
I’m still going to read this book. I’m intrigued.
Mindy:Seriously, it’s just a review and regardless if spoilers are given or it’s “trashed”. Many publications such as the NY Times and Entertainment Weekly as well as other review sites are very cruel with their reviews. This review wasn’t cruel at all and you can’t expect Mandi not to mention about the hero’s unrealistic size of his penis. Is that the big spoiler that has irked you? Based on the spoilers here in this review, or so you have stated, makes me want to buy the book, even with the silliness regarding a man’s penis that tears a woman’s vagina where she needs stitches.
And she just linked your review. How is that involving you? She didn’t quote you, just posted a link to send people to your review to read.
Mindy, if you’re 38 years old, you ought to have better things to do than policing other reviewers. I’m a few years younger than you and realized long ago that doing so is a dumb, fruitless and worthless endeavor. Blogs abound because we all need our space to say how we feel about books in the manner we choose to. You shot from the hip and didn’t get all your facts straight anyway.
After reading your review, I had to get this book. I understand a few of the things that you got a kick out of, but the book had so much more than that. I really liked it. The sex was hot, the characters were sexy, and let’s face it, it’s erotica, not Tolkien. I loved it. She can write a sex scene.. Tie me up, baby! So, thanks for posting… I’m keeping this on my kindle.
I’m glad you enjoyed :) It wasn’t for me…but I’ve heard a lot of people who have picked this one up.
Great review as always Mandi! And geez, that’s the problem with Erotica, sometimes they have no logic. Oversized penis? Good thing that officer don’t have a double penis like a book I’d read a year ago *shiver*
BTW, I’m disagree with Mindy. I’m not attacking you and not defend Mandi here, but I don’t see any spoiler at her review. Mandi simply write what amused her and what’s wrong with that? And if you have problem with Mandi’s way of review you can email her privately, not write it in public where everyone can read it.
If Mandi was bashing the author (name calling, pointing out, rudely, examples of bad writing, ect..I could see calling this review mean, but she doesn’t. It is matter factually pointed out where and why the book didn’t work for her.
As for spoilers, there is nothing in her review that couldn’t be construed from the excerpt posted on Goodreads. She used quotes to back WHY those scenes didn’t work for her. I personally like when reviewers can back up why they like or dislike a book. When a reviewer just gushes about the book using a ton of adjectives without explaining why they like it, I have to wonder who the review is for. The reader or the author?
As for posting to otherreviews. Lots of blogs do it. Here at smexybooks we have always linked to other reviews so that readers can get a well rounded view of the book from different opinions.
Please bring the epidural, NOW!
Thank you for removing my link.
I am giggling so hard right now. “But I had to know if his massive penis would fit inside of Regan, so I had to finish the book” giggling. still giggling. Well written Mandi, thanks for taking this for the team and reporting back :P
It seems to me that for romance as a genre its okay to leave spoilers. The audience of the blog seems to like that too. I also liked it cause I ain’t never reading a book about a giant peen.
Okay. Great review, I giggled and enjoyed it. That is a dilemma for sure… lol!
Thanks, that cheered my day!
This review had me cracking the hell up, Mandi! Giant peen, FTW!
As for the rest, I will refrain from saying what I want to & just quote Mandi’s statement:
” And because I am a READER, I’m allowed to express my opinion about any book, any way I choose.”
Damn straight.
I read your review clenching my legs, I don’t think I can read this book without cramps on my legs. *g*