We are happy to have Amanda Bonilla at Smexy today to celebrate her release of Blood Before Sunrise.
My Arch Nemesis is a Cock.
Thanks so much to Smexy Books for hosting me again! You are all fabulous ladies, and can I just say that I’m hoping for a KILLER Qhuay post from you in March. I can’t wait!
I fought an epic battle on my patio a few days ago. Sword—well, long stick—in hand, I started out on the defensive, my opponent effectively pushing me back toward the front door of my house. He wants me to remain a prisoner, and my enemy is stalwart in battle. His ears are keen and he waits for the moment when I work up enough courage to escape. It doesn’t matter how far away he is…when he hears even a whisper of hinges, he comes running, poised for attack. I hate him. He is my arch nemesis.
He is an Ameraucana Rooster.
I’m the only family member he treats with hostility. The hubs says he attacks me because I don’t assert myself and show him that I’m the dominant animal. Maybe. I’m not so sure, though. But then again, I’ve seen the hubs and the teen just give him a nudge with their boot or simply a dirty look and he backs off. Anyway, let’s get back to the battle. When I mentioned earlier that he comes running when he hears me is no joke. Whether it’s the front door or the back door, no matter where he is, he’ll come just to chase me back into the house. Usually, I grab a stick or some other long-handled object to fend him off while I run screaming to my car, the garbage cart, our shed, whatever. But this day, I decided I was going to take my husband’s advice and meet the rooster head on and put his theory to the test. For those of you who don’t own farm-type birds, let me just fill you in on a couple of things: first of all, their wings are super tough. Our gander once broke a broom stick in half with one thwack of his wings. Secondly, roosters have these really wicked-looking spurs on backs of their legs that are long, pointy, and super dangerous. When they fight, they jump at you, feet first, in order to inflict the most damage early on.
So anyway, when the rooster first attacked, I was on the offensive. He slowly maneuvered me until I was backing toward the front door. And then I thought, No way! This is my home turf, damn it, and no stupid chicken is going to keep me a prisoner in my own home! “All right, rooster!” I shouted. “Let’s do this! You’re going down!” I opened my arms wide, like great big wings and ran at him the way my husband told me to. Yeah, that didn’t really work out for me. He cocked (appropriate, right?) his head to the side and I swear, that freakin’ rooster scoffed at me. Right before he jumped up toward my face, wings flapping, spurs jutting out at me. So, naturally, I did what any warrior would do…I screamed my effing lungs out and jumped backward. Okay, that caught me off guard, I thought as I panted. But I’m not surrendering yet.
I regrouped and came at him with the stick this time, thwapping him just to the top of his wing. Now, I don’t want anyone here to think that I was beating this poor bird. Don’t forget, they’re super tough, protected by layers of feathers and down, and really hard to hurt. Honestly, the barn these damned chickens live in is nicer than my living room. No joke! It’s heated and everything and has this fancy plumbing system for their water! They’re super spoiled and obviously live better than us. Anyway, back to the thwapping. I smacked him once, twice, and again. Slowly, he backed up to the edge of the patio. This is it, I thought, time to show him who’s the alpha female around here. I came at him one more time and he jumped backward, off the patio, and into the front yard.
WOOHOO! Victory is mine! I am one bad ass, mother fu— That’s about the time he jumped back on the patio, wings outstretched, and chased me into the house. The hubs has since amended his opinion on the rooster. “It’s crazy. He just hates you. I have no idea why.”
Do you have an arch nemesis? Does your daughter’s cat treat you with disdain? Or maybe your son’s hamster bares his tiny little teeth every time you walk into his bedroom? Do neighborhood dogs raise their hackles when you take your morning stroll? I’d love to hear your crazy pet stories!
Amanda Bonilla is giving away a copy of Blood Before Sunrise. To enter, just leave a comment. Open to US/Canada through July 11.
That was hillarious! I was reading it at work (which is a big no no by the way) and laughinng my ass off while trying to check patients in and out. U made my day! I needed that laugh sooo bad! Thank u!
Hi Amy! Glad I could help you out in the laughter department. I’m seriously thinking about vlogging my rooster adventures! LOL
I admit that I don’t have an arch nemesis but so enjoyed reading of your epic battle!
Thank you! Logically, I know I’m bigger. He’s a prey animal and technically, I should be the predator. But that 2 ft tall chicken scares the bejezus out of me!
i really enjoyed your funny interview. my friends old she cat knew i was afraid of her, and if i popped in for a cup of tea, she always sat behind me on the top of the sofa. and purred as deep as she could. i wish amanda well with her book. i looks a good read
I think cats enjoy mind games. LOL. Mine does that sort of thing all the time.
I don’t have any crazy pet stories. They all tend to like me/go outta their way to come up to me.
molly(dot)frenzel(at)gmail(dot)com
My son is the exact same way. Animals just love him on site. Certain people must emit a smell or vibe that puts animals at ease. :)
Thatss pretty funny, my dad had this rooster and it absolutely hated me. When my daughter was about a year old we went down for a visit and the damn thing chase me holding mya up onto the roof of my car. I had to call the family to come and get us. They couldn’t stop laughing
The rooster chased our daughter once, and ran right into our house after her! And we have these African geese that tree her on top of her car whenever she visits. Hehe.
Yeah, my piano teacher growing up had 2 dachshunds and one of them would always make sure I knew HE was the boss. Why is it always the little dogs? Sheesh.
Little dogs have so much more to prove! It cracks me up.
Have never had a problem with animals or fowl. I grew up on a farm.
Same here. I’ve been surrounded by farm animals my entire life. I pretty much get along with all of our other birds but this rooster has it out for me. I keep trying to think back to what I could have possibly done to make him mad, but I come up blank. Haha.
I don’t have any crazy pet stories, just a crazy pet. My Coco sounds like a goose and will bite your eyelids when you’re trying to sleep as a reminder to FEED her. She’s very demanding; still not sure where she gets it.
She would probably tell you that she has some crazy owner stories (and they would be good ones) but I’m not letting her near a computer. ;)
LOL! I’m glad my pets can’t tell crazy owner stories. They’d probably laugh about how easy it is to freak me out!
I sometimes think pets do things to us to make us act weird so they can tell the other animals in the woods how good they have it! ;>
Well we know who is the chicken in your house. Don’t we? That was really funny. I have always got on well with animals . So don’t have your problem have you tried threatening him with the cooking pot. OR are you the one who steals his babies from his wives.
LOL! I’m TOTALLY the chicken around here. I keep telling the hubs he’d make an excellent soup, but he is unswayed. I do occasionally gather eggs from the barn, so I’m assuming he considers me a kidnapper. ;)
LOL! That opener is fantastic! “My arch nemesis is a cock”!! Love it.
I’m like you, amimals always have loved me up until Gertrude the Duck. I got her as a duckling & she was sick & malnourished (from a pet store). So I took her to an avian specialist (an hour away) and bought special food & medicine ($$$) to get her better. For 2 months I medicated & tube fed that little bi….rd & she pecked the shit out of me every freakin’ time!! Hmph! She eventually got better (thank God) but Gertrude & I always had a love/hate relationship :P Its funny, she was the only duck we had that didn’t think I was her mama. I mama’d the hell out of that freakin’ bird!! Lol!
We buried her in the family pet cemetary with a plack that said:
GERTRUDE
She Pecked Hard
That’s such a great story! Poor Gertrude. I have a baby goose right now that thinks I’m her mama. We took her to the lake over the weekend and the only way she’d swim was if I waded in to my thighs and walked in front of her. We got a lot of strange looks from the neighbors. LOL
No nemesis story, but I feel your pain. Roosters are horrible mean animals. We had chickens for a while when I was a kid and everyday I would be in fear of them attacking. And the older they got the meaner they got too, so watch out. We also had geese that you couldn’t ever turn your back on, but they usually didn’t attack if you faced them down. Not so with the roosters. Yes, I have been bit, spurred and pecked, repeatedly.
Thanks for the warning, Jody! I’m hoping the hubs will build them a nice, fenced in area in our field so we can all live in harmony. Otherwise, I’m in for a world of hurt when this rooster gets old and crotchety. LOL
My husband’s cat is my nemesis. Whenever it rains, she just sits there and glares at me as if it’s all my fault.
LOL! Ours does that too. She makes me open the door for her a thousand times to check and re-check the weather. Then she glares at me like I’m the reason she doesn’t want to go out.
Roflmfao my sons cat hates my hubby and attacks him at every opportunity. Me he stays clear of. I’d love to win your book.. sounds fantastic .
Our cat is sort of like that, too! If my mom tries to pet her, the cat bites her.
I call my friend Theresa’s cat the DEVIL CAT. Her cat hisses and attacks me every time she sees me. But I am the only one she does that to. Can’t wait for your book. I enjoyed the first one and look forward to reading the next one.
Thanks, Lynette! :) I’ve just come to the conclusion that cats are temperamental simply because they can be.
You know, for creatures that are supposed to be able to sense earthquakes and emotions, my cats (especially Snarf) are surprisingly easy to sneak up on.
b(dot)cardone(at)hotmail(dot)com
LOL! You definitely have the advantage in that situation.
That is so funny. I own two perdue chicken barns and we house over 22,000 chicken. out of those we have around 3,000 rosters! Sometimes they give me attitude but I carry a big stick with me for when they get mean.
Your book looks great. The cover is very sexy!! I cant wait to read it!
OMG, Alicia! I can’t handle the 60 or so chickens we own. I’d be out of my mind if we housed 22,000! I have sticks strategically placed around our property. You never know when you’re going to need protection. Thanks for the cover love! I think I have the best cover artists/designers EVER!!!
Omg, I feel your pain. Chickens and bird in general give me the heebs. Goode.
We have a baby chick that our son has dubbed “McLovin.” She’s a little bit evil. We just realized today when we heard McLovin crow for the first time that she is actually a HE. The teen and I exchanged a look and he said, “Tell Dad to give him away.” I wholeheartedly agreed.
I don’t have animal enemies but spiders.
I have a deep hatred for spiders too! The bigger they are, the more terrified I become. I have a rule: outside, they’re fine, but once they come in the house, their lives are forfeit.
Remember, you may have lost the battle but you can still win the rooster war. I haven’t had an animal enemy since I was a kid and my friend’s dog would growl every time I came into her house.
I keep thinking we can be friends someday. I wonder what it would take to bribe a rooster…
Great post!
My Arch-Nemesis is a pussy…er.. well I don’t call her that, she’s a cat.
I gave her her name (Hendrix) and thought that since her and I were the only females in the house we’d soon be BFF’s. Not so. Hendrix loves my husband.She runs to the door when he gets home from work. I’m pretty sure that anyday now I’ll wake up to her sitting on my face in an effort to suffocate me so that her and hubby can be together forever.
She hisses, she swats, and she gives me the stink eye when I try to snuggle my man. She once bit my feet during a more intimate moment and now has to be put out of the room when the man and I need alone time. Of course she whines out side the door the whole time which, let me tell you, is a complete mood killer.
Yep, she hates me. Stupid cat!
OMG!!!! HAHAHAHAHA!!!! That story trumps mine, for sure! A jealous cat hell-bent on destroying your marriage and any hopes of alone time! How you can anyone feel sexy with a cat yowling outside of your door! I’ll trade you for a while and you can have a break! :)
LOL!!! Great story! Ummm… I only have dogs and they love me :) In fact the BF sometimes grumbles b/c he doesn’t get as much puppy love as I do. I don’t know how you do it. No barnyard animals, or fish, for me!!!
Congrats on the new release! Don’t enter me since I’m just finished BBS and I loved it!!!! Eagerly awaiting the next book and OMG! I can’t wait to see what happens next!
Thanks, Erin!I’m so glad you liked BBS!! <3 Our dogs are super spoiled and like our other kids. They lay on the couches with their heads on the pillows and they cuddle our teen and smother him with kisses. I can't imagine not having animals around the house.
I’d love to win this one. Looks like a great series and the cover is amazing!
justpeachy36@yahoo.com
Thanks! I appreciate you stopping by today. Good luck! :)
No, I don’t have an arch nemesis:) When I was younger we used to have a couple of crazy turkeys that didn’t like me, but they would sleep with the dog… weird!
I’ve heard some crazy turkey stories! I’ve also heard that they can be very friendly and purr when you pet them. I’d never eat Thanksgiving turkey again!
I used to have a cat that everytime I went outside she would come up and bite my leg, which was very wierd. Thanks for the chance to win!
Our cat loves to bite ankles. It drives me crazy!
I don’t have an arch enemy animal…my cat bites my toes when I’m in bed though.
What is it about cats? LOL! I’m beginning to think they just love to bite!
This crazy animal story is about my daughter. We came home late one night and I pulled up to the back yard so my 12 year old daughter could run out back to lock up the chicken coop by the light of my head lights. Well about half way to the coop she starts wildly screaming and runs back towards the car. I was looking for what had caused her to freak like that when into the beams from the head lights walks a family of deer. Now deer are big granted but they were looking at her like I was, I couldn’t help it I started to laugh so hard I cried. She didn’t think it was funny and keeps reminding me I didn’t rescue her the night the deer attacked!
LOL! OMG that’s a great story! Your poor daughter! I can totally see my daughter acting the same way. That’s the great thing about living in the country. You just never know what you’re going to see. Last night, 4 elk cows brought their babies to the field by our house to eat. The babies were so tiny and still had their spots. It was awesome!
My arch enemy is an ant. They are so tiny that when I step on them they hide in the treads of my shoes. lol.
But you and the cock story just made my night. I love it.
One summer, the hubs and I were up in the hills picking huckleberries and I didn’t realize I was standing in the middle of an ant hill. That is, until they crawled up my legs and in my socks and started biting. I freaked out and stripped my clothes off in the middle of the forest screaming and jumping around. Needless to say, ants and I don’t get along either! ;)
When I was a teenager my arch nemesis was my older sister’s kitten. He would hide under the couch and attack my feet, he knew I didn’t like cats (at the time). Every time I went to her house, the cat would attack me. I finally grew out of my fear and dislike for cats and went on to adopt three, but I never forgot the little fiend that terrorized me.
Barbed1951 at aol dot com
Our cat loves to grab my feet when I make the bed in the morning. It’s cute until she digs her claws in! LOL
The cat my husband got me when she was a kitten doesn’t like me. He loves my husband more. Tore923@aol.com
Cats are so particular. And haughty. Hehe. that’s the great thing about cats, though. You don’t own them, they own you!
I know I’m a day late, story of my life but I’m cracking up because I have the same problem with my neighbors chickens. I swear those things hate me and they are always coming out of their fence only when I decide to leave the house or am coming home. They stand around right in the middle of my driveway and I have waited for eons for them to move before I am forced to get out and chase them away, then they chase back lol One of these day’s I may just run them over. I do have a small obsession with collecting rooster things. I have cock all over my house hahahaha seriously. It started the day I met my husband and found out his last name. Thought it was hilarious and not realizing it would soon be mine and my kids’s as well. :) Started with a rooster coffee cup and it has exploded from there but I figure if you have the last name of Allcock, might as well have some fun :)