Are you ready for 10 on the 10th? With both Mandi and Tori down in New Orleans (at AAD) watching for vampires, Valkyrie, and shifters, guess who gets to be in charge of the top 10 this week? Oh yes, the dirty girl and Smexy reviewer named May! Normally I text and email Mandi dirty bits and amusing notes all week long. I send her things like articles about lists of creative names for man jewels (though pintle remains my favorite), #ladybonermonday pics, and so much more filth and naughtiness. It is why I fit in so well here at Smexybooks. So guess what? They’re gone and that means this week I’ve saved ’em all up for you. Let’s rock this out…

10. Let me start off by wishing James Marsters a very Happy Birthday! In his honor, I shall be sure to watch an episode or three of Buffy the Vampire Slayer today. Though I am a bit distressed that Spike James could be 50 years old, I heartily approve of his method of celebrating. He’s having a ticketed  party in Chicago tonight involving a concert, meet & greet, and dinner. To make this extra awesome the Wizard Comic Con is going on there this weekend, and as he is the voice of the Dresden Files audio books [which Tori, Mandi, and I all recommend fully!] this makes it extra good in my book.

9. Olympics! First and foremost, I am a fan of the dedication, honor, and years of work it takes to be an Olympic athlete. It is awesome to see athletes in their prime, and it has helped me keep away from the junk food and in the gym more. With all due respect though, my favorite bit of this summer Olympics has been, well, the man bits! Water polo players with hands down their pants, galleries of bulges, and oh Internet thank you for being so fast about getting me images that are on the dirty side. I must say this week my second favorite article was this “name those abs: Olympics or Magic Mike?” gallery.

8.  Mercy do I need a new Mercy book! We have quite a wait ahead, but guess what? Cover reveal + a tidbit revealed!! I am now more anxious than ever. The story normally is told 100% in Mercy’s POV, but Briggs is braking the rules! Love it! This was posted on her site:

But in this case, the rule got broken, and we get a chapter in Adam’s head. Adam who had been kidnapped and is now awake, and surrounded by wounded pack members. Adam who has tried to hide what he sees as the monster within. Adam who is angry. . . . And so, Hulk Smash!, and the readers get an understanding of why werewolves were feared.

Excuse me whilst I flail around on the ground. Uh, YES PLEASE!!

7. Because I can’t imagine a top 10 without him, I was delighted to find while cruising Patricia Briggs site that Joe Manganiello narrates the audio book versions of Dragon’s Blood and Dragon’s Bones (two of her older UF books). I’ve read Dragon Bones and liked it, but not sure I liked it enough to recommend it in this fashion. This does bring up a most excellent idea, and that is simply that I need more male actors to read my favorite books to me. Imagine listening to Alexander Skarsgård reading me something dark and gritty or Jason Statham narrating a Cindy Gerard book… oh yes, I request lots of this immediately. Someone please make this happen.

6. My brain is still thinking about the possibilities #7 offers. Since I need a moment, let me mention my new favorite liquid refreshment. Skinny Girl Pina Colada!

Poured over ice and consumed poolside it is most excellent. I give it my stamp of approval.

5. Coming in at number five, I’ve gotta give some love to Mr. Worldwide! One of my gym iPod mixes is in fact, all Pitbull. Oh, and did you know some Pitbull concerts have VIP meet & greet tickets available? I have no idea the cost or anything, as I found out (too late), and I am mourning that this weekend instead of meeting he of the tight suits and my favorite voice ever I will be at home. This is a worldwide, epic, all time fail. I hang my head in shame, and I’m distressed that none of my fellow pit-loving girlfriends managed to meet him either. Next tour? I hope so! Anyhow, in his smex-i-licious honor I present you with this video of golden bulge.

I find myself mesmerized by the golden glow… he is really taking Mandi’s new Olympic inspired golden bulge awards to crotch heart. Also note he has to wear sunglasses – due to the glare from his golden bulge of course. Ok, I’ll move on from Pitbull, just let me watch the video one more time… and maybe the JLo + Pitbull video too.

4. Speaking of golden bulges, let us speak of the Olympics again. This time, let us mention the awesomeness that is Henrik Rummel and his alleged erection while receiving his medal, shall we? You can see the photo in question here and read more about it. I love that he was quoted as saying that is him, and he is not erect… also that he doesn’t know how it got in that position. As romance readers, I think we are all aware that sometims peens have a mind of their own. Perhaps I should write an article about romance heroes that have independent peens. Or maybe I need to just stop using variations of word penis in this top 10. Have I gone too far?

3. Let me try to get back on a more lady like topic. Yes, now I need to talk about a very classy and respectable romance novel. Scoot over bulging men, for an even bigger, badder, tattooed man! The fictional Thorne has my heart, and you can check out his story in Tessa Dare’s Spindle Cove book A Lady by Midnight coming later this month. I strongly recommend this book and the whole series. In fact, her first in the series won a RITA for best Regency romance. I’m telling you – you need to read it.

Oh but the reason I bring it up here is more than just to take my harassment of Mandi [who has finally started the series after enough of my demanding her to!] to the next level. Tessa Dare has “Countdown to Midnight” going on at her site and you can get a very smexy excerpt from the book emailed to you, and while supplies last (if you’re in the USA) she will mail you stickers too! This book is such a good one- I will review it here at Smexybooks soon!

2. Speaking of men with guns…  Am I the only one queuing up for Expendables 2? I know there’s a lot of more past their prime action stars in the movie, but it promises to be all that is good and holy in an all American action flick.

They have all my faves from my teen years, and they even have Chuck Norris this time! Of course my eye will mostly be on Mr. Statham. Helloooooo. *bites lip* I pre-approve the grunge, guns, sweaty muscles, and all around sausage fest that is the Expendables.

1. If I had to design a TV show just for Mandi it would feature a bearded man (of course) who is well muscled, goes on adventures, and wears as little as possible while speaking in a growly voice.

It turns out that Animal Planet just launched such a show! Off the Hook features a professional wrestler (Eric Young) who likes to go fishing and (apparently) wears speedos too. I first discovered the show when watching Call of the Wildman (live action!!) and there was a commercial with this bearded man in a red speedo and you could totally see his package. I couldn’t stop laughing and investigated. Oh my. Here is an interview that he did about the show. You can catch clips and even a full episode on the Animal Planet website. The show airs Sundays on Animal Planet, and I believe I’m going to have to watch at least one more episode.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I have a hot date with Alcide and Eric to watch the end of season 4 True Blood. (yes, I watch on DVD not HBO) As unappealing as that show has become, I stay for the male nudity and the growling. I’m a whoreo like that. Then I’ll watch This Means War again because there is no such thing as too much Tom Hardy.

Ok there, I think I’ve worked in enough dirty talk, hot men, and live action to get this weekend kicked off right. I hope you liked my version of top 10! I wish you all a smutty weekend and lots of happy reading!