By May.
Is it too much to ask for romance in my romance novels?
Lately I feel like I’ve read an awful lot of books where one of the following happens:
a) The author tells us the people are attracted to, even falling in love with each other.
b) The people are both so good looking, love is an assumed conclusion.
c) The lust is so strong and the sex so good, clearly this is love.
All three options leave me wildly unsatisfied as a reader. One of the first things that attracted me to romance novels was that I could get a bird’s eye view into someone else’s budding romance. That I could see the relationship develop, the characters fall in love, and sigh in bliss as the couple swept each other off their feet.
First of all, I think that building true romance, showing a developing relationship and courting is not an easy thing to do. It’s much easier to just throw “because I say so” out there and not dig deeper. I love a good “boy meets girl…” start to my romances, or if they have known each other a “hate to love” or “I never realized…” or “thrown together by circumstance” trope. I’m not a fan of the pre-destined mates, insta-love, or other plot devices that make the happily ever after assumed.
Of course it doesn’t matter what set up or plot twists an author uses if the romance isn’t being developed well. Likewise, if an author puts that extra something special in and really helps us swoon over the relationship that is something I will always go for (no matter what the trope).
For example, Sabrina Jeffries To Wed a Wild Lord [hit all the right notes for me. Our hero goes out of his way to work on her estate, brings her flowers, and really courts her before marriage. It made me sigh happily and was a fantastic read.
Another obvious answer is Lord of Scoundrels. The scene where Dain gives her the engagement ring and tries to act like he doesn’t care – oh my. Such romance and those tender moments are scattered throughout.
Here’s my problem – as I sat down to write this I came up stumped! If asked to recommend books based on exceptional courting, romantic non-sex scenes, and other great examples of romancing outside of the bedroom I came up short. Oh, I have read oh so many great romance novels, but a book with great memorable “oh that was just so romantic!” kind of scenes I’m not really thinking of exceptional examples. I know they’re out there and I know I’ve read them!
I bet you might have some good suggestions. Even better – perhaps you can think of some great reads where a lady romances and courts her man! So I would love to hear about your romantic favorites – and be sure to tell me about a particular scene or moment you recall.
Just this morning I wrote three reviews, and in two of them I said the exact same thing – the sex is hot, I liked the h/h, but I wanted more romance. I wanted to dive deeper into their relationship, past the sex to actual courting. Because a tacked on “I love you” HEA at the end of these types of books does not work for me.
I think Tessa Dare writes lovely courtship. Her most recent – Thorne and Kate is done so well.
I think Butterfly Tattoo by Deidre Knight is a good courtship.
Tigers and Devils by Sean Kennedy.
I know there are more but those are the ones that come to mind :)
I absolutely adored Thorne and Kate!! Their romance was perfect!
I agree – I adore Tessa Dare and I feel like she does a wonderful job with her books.
Definitely agree with Thorne and Kate, the build up was excellent. I really liked the romance of Butterfly Tattoo, too. Both the main couple and his former relationship through memories, moments shared. Complicated, deep relationships over the course of a book is necessary to me. And both did that.
It wasn’t the sex, or the almost sex. It was the little things. Like Kate simply being Thorne’s touchstone when needed, or the female in Tattoo connecting with the daughter because that mattered more than any relationship that might evolve. The romance is in the small gestures, the little things to make life a little better.
I was going to suggest Tigers & Devils too :)
May – have you tried Ruthie Knox? She writes great sex, but the romance aspects really satisfy me. About Last Night was easily one of my favorite reads this year because even though there’s sex right away, the love takes time to develop. Ditto with her Ride With Me. It’s a hate-to-love story, but I definitely loved the natural dynamic with the characters.
I started (but forgot about) About Last Night. I will have to give it another go.
I also love Ruthie Knox. And The Butterfly Tattoo. Truly sigh-worthy, that one.
I read a lot of Janice Kay Johnson’s books because I find that they are such emotional reads. The characters become part of each others’ lives, not just in bed. They are category books, but somewhat longer because she writes for the Superromance line.
I remember thinking the early books in the Virgin River series were pretty romantic. The patience of Jack as he waits for Mel to come to terms with her grief, the fact that he waits up for her when she’s delivering a baby in case she needs him… that kind of thing gets me every time.
Maybe it’s the ordinariness of these characters’ lives that is particularly appealing to me. I can enjoy romances with over-the-top gorgeous characters and lust and crazy sex every five minutes. But the ones that I remember and re-read are the ones that have the emotional backstory, where the H/h are attractive to each other but not necessarily to the rest of the world, and where they make the time to understand each other.
Yes! I recall some really good courting/development of romance in early Virgin River as well. I would have stuck with that series but honestly just couldn’t get past all the midwife/TMI stuff. LOL
Because I *expect* to find romance in my romance I think I notice it more when I don’t get it than when I do, if that makes sense. I’ve been reading mostly m/m lately, and one book that managed to show two guys really falling in love was After Ben by Con Riley. I might not have noticed without the high degree of difficulty in the set-up: one character is grieving the death of his former partner, the heroes don’t actually meet in person until 2/3 of the way through the book, and the entire thing is told from one POV.
But god, I HATE when I get shortchanged on the romance aspect of my romance novels. They can be dirty, they can be erotic, but damn it I want to SEE that the couple at the center have something going for them apart from hot sex or I feel cheated.
Sometimes the love at first sight works for me, but rarely. I want it to build, for me to feel them fall in love. Cos how can you love someone you do not know?
I agree that Tessa Dare does good romance. Miranda Neville also — her Burgundy Club books all worked for me on the romantic level. A good hate-to-love recent romance is Carolyn Jewel’s Not Proper Enough. Carrie Lofty’s His Very Own Girl (WWII romance) is another — the characters go through a lot, and it is not easy for them, although I still wanted the final resolution to be a little more difficult.
Carolyn Jewel is on my TBR – yay!
I have to admit, when I think of romantic build-up, I tend to go old school. I can’t think of many books I’ve read in the last 10-15 years where the romantic tension captured me the way older books in the genre have.
Kathleen E. Woodiwiss often got the sex out of the way first (sometimes, admittedly, using, ahem, troubling tropes that were de rigueur in the 70s and 80s) and then building the romance AFTERWARD. “Ashes in the Wind” is a superlative example of that, but then “Ashes in the Wind” is a superlative example of just about everything.
I took Jude Deveraux off my immediate-buy list about ten years ago, because I found her books weren’t captivating me as they once had, but she also had some great examples of courtship back in the 90s. “Sweet Liar” in particular, I think, did it right. Hm. There the author also kinda took sex off the table in order to build up the relationship before bringing sex back into the mix. I sense a pattern in my preferences here, perhaps. Or maybe just the rather obvious conclusion that sexual tension and romantic tension aren’t the same things and need to be developed separately.
Deveraux also had fun playing with a lot of tropes by turning them on their ear, such as the soul-mates trope in “Remembrance.”
I feel like it used to be more of a thing, and that lately more authors are skipping it. I totally agree it’s often easier to find more building of relationship and really showing us why this is such a great couple, etc.
Actually, I lied.
Kushiel’s Dart. Not a romance so much as absolutely epic everything, but no one can say the characters didn’t work to build their relationship.
One thing I really love about Eileen Wilks’ Lupi (Urban Fantasy) series is that she has the same main romantic couple running through the whole series, and in each book you see them negotiating and working at their relationship. And she did that AFTER subjecting those characters to a paranormal “insta-bond.” It’s pretty much the only insta-bond I’d ever recommend.
I like the low-key way Carla Kelly has people fall for each other. I know some people find it too low-key, but it gets me. Though sometimes the OTT loves of Laura Kinsale characters get me, too…maybe it’s not so much HOW the love happens, it’s that they show love differently from the standard depiction.
I definitely agree about Lily and Rule (Wilks couple). There’s a lot of respect, of testing boundaries, and that works because there is a progressive love that grows out of ‘insta-bond’ based on the work put in. Even in the first book. As a character, Lily’s fight for independence isn’t some big “oh noes!” rift. Rule doesn’t understand the human side since the Lady ordained the bond, but he understands that she needs to figure this out.
It’s the same reason I freaking love Adam and Mercy’s build up and love. Like with Lily and Rule, Adam and Mercy love and respect each other as is. Not an insta-bond but a push-pull tug that slowly unravels out, like kudzu. Every new facet shows so much more to who they are and why they go together. The romance isn’t necessary the big huge gestures for the others, but simple gestures that speak of observation and affection. At least that’s how I see the relationship.
Both series highlight that love isn’t always “BAM!” but simply unending whispers.
Try Inside Out by Lauren Dane. The old fashioned courting between Cope & Ella is to die for! And cuz it’s Lauren Dane, great writing, hot sex, and more.
I was going to recommend this book, too! Ella and Cope have such a wonderful courtship. He mails her notes and writes her poetry and is so into her but trying not to overwhelm her because she is coming out of an abusive relationship. There is so much swoony-goodness!
My first thought on this was “Didn’t I write a goodreads review not too long ago about how a book made me swoon and how that hardly ever happens?” I did. The book was Meredith Duran’s “Wicked Becomes You” and my review started with “This book was so damn romantic, it made me sigh wistfully. Out loud. More than once.”
Courtney Milan’s “The Governess Affair” also made me swoon recently. The back-and-forth missives, the consummation scene, the later letters… completely swoontastic in every way.
And just this weekend, I finally gave into the Kristen Ashley crack and “Motorcycle Man” had me all moony and starry-eyed as well. There aren’t any big overtly romantic scenes but there were so many scenes of small romantic moments (usually following fighting and/or sex) that affected the hell out of me. One of my favorites is a post-coital cuddling scene where big bad biker dude Tack goes all gooey because Tyra called him “honey” and he’s heard her tell it to other people she cares about but not him before. Loved it.
oh YES! I adored Governess Affair. It really was swoontastic, as you said.
I also ditto the Motorcycle man. Funny thing was? I’d sent this article in maybe a week before I read that book. When I read it, I was just like “YES! THIS IS WHAT I AM TALKING ABOUT!”
You can have the scary biker who never takes his old lady out on a date EVER… and still have romance. The way he cooks for her, the way she shows acceptance of his world, how he makes gestures and in his own way is showing his love. YES. Unconventional sure, but hard core romantic!
About Last Night by Ruthie Knox has already been mentioned, so I’ll add another contemporary to the mix: Julie James’s first book, Just the Sexiest Man Alive is k-k-k-killer. We have a super hot male movie star and a lawyer, and the entire book is about the steep hill two people must climb to allow themselves to be vulnerable enough for intimacy. Now, some might feel letdown with this one because while there are some smexy times, the h/h don’t have sex until the final pages. I usually dislike this much holding off, but in this story it works. Hard to pull off in a contemporary (set in Hollywood no less!) where people often jump into bed in the first chapter.
Glad you mentioned KA’s “Motorcycle Man” since that just has swoonworthy emotional content.
The first book in that series “Mystery Man” really brings home the concept of romance for me because Hawke and Gwen have been having a sex-only no-names relationship at night for 18 months before they “meet” in daytime and THEN he falls HARD for her. I liked what that book had to say about sex (and to some extent Motorcycle Man does it too) where it’s not the be-all and end-all of the relationship and the actual getting to know each other parts are what really wind up mattering most of all.
Also loved both Ruthie Knox books. “About Last Night” and “Ride with Me” both have strong relationship development focus to the romances (without skimping on the hot-stuff either).
I also thought that Cecelia Grant’s “A Lady Awakened” and “A Gentleman Undone” both really showed beautiful relationship development. In fact the sex scenes in “A Lady Awakened” were awkward and not erotic on purpose so that the getting to know each other part of the story took more importance. Beautiful!
I’m with you — I don’t mind hot and erotic, but the best romances out there HAVE TO have characters who get to know each other and FALL IN LOVE!
Ok,the most romantic thing I ever read is “You’re my Egypt” speech from As You Desire by Connie Brockway. Never ever real men looked more blend to me than first time I read that. I would melt if someone said something like that to me…
I also though that whole premise of one man making one woman experience something new, something she’ll never forget in Summer To Remember by Mary Balogh romantic…
I read Alison Stuart’s “Gather the Bones” the other day and found it romantic, haunting almost in the post-WWI setting.
“Promises” by Cathryn Hein is a wonderful Australian romance.
And in a more zany paranormal line, I loved “Discount Armageddon” by Seanan McGuire and “Chaos Tryst” by Shirin Dubbin.
Exactly May, I agree! I think in Jill Shalvis’ Lucky Harbor series, Erin Nicholas’ Bradfords series there is courting and romantic gestures and those always make me feel warm and fuzzy :-D
Ok, I’m late to this discussion, but have to add my two cents in.
Bet Me by Jennifer Crusie – the scene where Cal gives Min the bunny slippers, the scene where Min takes Cal home after he was hit by the baseball, etc, etc. Sigh.
What Happens in London by Julia Quinn. I think one of Quinn’s strengths is writing about falling in love and this is my all time fave by her.
Between Sinners and Saints by Marie Sexton (m/m). This has one of the best slow build ups because they initially decide not to get involved (because Jaime was abused and is afraid of sex), then become friends, then get involved.
I think there is more courting in historical romances, I do love Suzanne Enochs books, as I do love the Sabrina Jeffries ones, and Karen Hawkins, and so many more. I like the taking time to get to know the other tropes better than the instant love scenes.
I agree, you get more build up in the historicals, partly because ‘good girls’ back then didn’t jump into bed the instant they were attracted to someone. Lisa Kleypas wrote some of the best historicals…I loved Love in the Afternoon (Beatrice Hathaway’s love story with Christopher Phalen)…and Devil in Winter (Sebastian’s bad boy reforms). I felt very satisfied with the evolution of love in those stories, and still enjoyed satisfying sex scenes too.
In terms of contemporary, it is hard to find that, mostly because people/readers seem impatient (or editors and agents think they are) and they want to skip straight to the sexy stuff. It is depressing IMO.
I do think Lisa Kleypas’ Dream Lake (Alex’s story) had a fair amount of ‘love’…and I love the troubled man gets reformed trope. But, most of today’s popular contemporary romance seems heavily weighted to lust and sex, not so much on love.