Size Matters by Robyn Peterman
December 19, 2013
Contemporary Romance
Kensington

Reviewed by May

Blurb: A few hard truths…Don’t bet on Hasselhoff, Bigfoot might actually exist, and searching for the impossible may lead you to your heart’s desire…

It’s a big fat hairy deal when I lose yet another bet to my best friend, Rena. Not only do I end up attending Bigfoot meetings with her kooky Aunt Phyllis, I find myself traveling with a band of reality TV, Sasquatch-hunting nut-jobs! Not to mention a suspiciously shady film crew. As if those little nuggets weren’t enough to send me on the express-train to Crazytown…I stupidly swore off men!

Clearly all this would mess up any gal’s social life, but the worst part of the story? The minute I send my libido on vacation, I meet Mitch. Yep, Mitch, the sexiest cop ev-ah. The hottest, best kissing, finest tushied, SINGLE guy I’ve ever laid eyes on. I’d rather be hot on his trail than anything that involves the word Big or Foot. But sometimes what you’re hunting for has been right in front of you all along …

I started out really enjoying this story. Told from our heroine’s point of view, right away it seemed we would be treated to a wide cast of characters and (what I had hoped would become) a zany fun plot full of twists and action.

What was wrong with me? Was I so horny that I would jump a forbidden cop in the public library because he smelled good and had an awesome man-butt? Yes, unfortunately the answer was yes.

It is most unfortunate that instead of being a charming tale with lots of over the top humor and gags that made me fall over laughing as the first book (How Hard Can it Be?) did, I felt like the author was trying too hard. That she was attempting to strike in the same spot twice. Not only did it create a lackluster read for me, but it also caused some real problems.

Problem #1: Insulting
There are two old lady sisters who run the yarn shop (that our heroine now owns) and apparently they are lesbians. Our heroine discovers this by accident when she calls them lesbians to insult them and they have a strong reaction. They are really angry old ladies who are obsessed that the heroine’s boobs are fake (WHY, I never figured out) and nobody likes them. The answer? Call them ‘carpet munchers’ and otherwise use their sexual orientation as basis for ripping on them. I found this incredibly insulting, and it really soured this story for me.

“those old rug-munching sisters are just mean. They give all nice respectable muff divers a bad reputation”

Not only are the lesbians mean, horrible ladies who are incapable of showing real emotion but let’s also pick on them and call them out of the closet every chance we get. It is true that these ladies also hurled insults and most of the time started the insult sessions, but it did not strike me as funny to use their sexual orientation as the core of how to insult the women.

It’s not just lesbians who are insulted either:

“I’m trying to quit swearing, but my favorite word is still fucktard.”

As I read and repeatedly encountered this word I was really baffled. In this day and age, I am not used to hearing “retard” as an insult as it once was when I was a kid. I think this is a fantastically positive thing- and yet here in this book it is used repeatedly as an insult along side sexual orientation insults. I am not sure if I’ve become really sensitive or overreacting here, but I really found it insulting that these were the focus of most insults in this story. There was no development or learning or anything from this – as all of this insulting was coming from the story’s heroine who is perfect just as she is. I am really going on and on about this detail of the story because I feel that a lot of you (like myself) may find this to be an absolute deal breaker.

Problem #2: We all talk the same
Every character has the same voice. They all YELL at each other all the time, they all say horrible insults to each other constantly (see problem #3: because, reasons), and they use the same phrases, swear words, and insults as well. This led to every single character having the same voice, and in visualizing this story I cannot imagine wanting to hang around a worse group of people.

Problem #3: Because… reasons
Entirely too often I felt like characters were doing stuff “because”, but it didn’t add up. Right up until the end when the heroine explodes over something she perceives as the hero behaving badly and the hero ‘because… reasons’ runs off and does something incredibly stupid.

I know this author can walk that fine line of over the top romantic comedy, as her first book struck my funny bone just right. There were some humorous parts to this book, and some scenes that I did enjoy quite a bit as well. At the start of the book I nearly fell off a treadmill from a scene that had me laughing out loud.

The bottom line with this book is that I felt as the story went on I was bombarded by the “funny” instead of it letting me see, experience, and enjoy it in my own way. It was like having someone guffaw and poke me in the ribs constantly instead of letting me enjoy the show. That combined with the lack unique characters, lackluster plot, and  dialogue that was almost all insults and screaming just added up to a book that wasn’t for me.

Will I read the next book by this author? Absolutely. While I’m being really critical of this story and I did not enjoy this book for the most part, I don’t believe the author meant for her insults to be so insulting to me as a reader and I do think that given a different story, another heroine, and a fresh try I could really enjoy her works in the future.

Grade: C-

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