Return To Me by James Oliver French
M/M Contemporary Romance
November 23, 2014
Self Published
Reviewed by Helyce
Goodreads blurb: What would you do if the man you loved vanished without a trace?
Kyle and Todd meet at a party in their freshman year at college. They fall in lust at first sight, then deep in love. In spite of Kyle’s melancholy past, their future together looks bright. Then Kyle disappears, leaving Todd heartbroken and alone, and their dreams in ruins. Fifteen years later, Todd is a successful but lonely psychiatrist. He still hasn’t come to terms with the loss of his first love. When a dangerous amnesiac arrives at the hospital, Todd is forced to confront the past, and is driven to find answers to the questions that have haunted him all these years.
I decided to use the blurb from Goodreads because it summarizes the story well enough and it’s really was what drew me in to want to read this debut by Mr. French. I also absolutely love the cover of this book. It is a stunning representation of the story in it’s subtle simplicity and in my opinion is really just a perfect choice.
I liked Kyle and Todd a lot. They meet at a college party and hit it off right away. Todd comes from a loving, supportive family but Kyle does not. When Kyle came out to his parents, he was kicked out and disowned. Kyle is also living with some guilt with respect to the death of his brother when they were younger. Though it was an accident, his parents had always made him feel like he should have been the one to die. Coming out as gay was just the last straw where his parents were concerned. So, Kyle is on his own. I’ve seen this mix of couples in my m/m reading before and I like this theme. Kyle is literally alone until he meets and starts a relationship with Kyle. They have each other and in turn Kyle then has Todd’s family who welcome Kyle without question. It’s clear that what Kyle and Todd have is special and has the potential of something long lasting. So it is devastating when Kyle disappears without a trace. He goes away over a weekend for a wrestling tournament and never returns. There are no clues, they find Kyle’s apartment cleaned out, and the police can only do so much-which is nothing in this case. For all intents and purposes, Kyle becomes a unsolved missing persons case.
When we jump forward 15 years, Todd is now a psychiatrist and has a thriving practice. He also works part-time at the local psychiatric hospital. It is here where Kyle returns to the story when Todd is called in to assess an amnesiac patient. The patient comes in as a John Doe, having been moved from one facility to the next over the last 15 years. They only know that he had sustained a head injury, clearly the cause of the severe amnesia and his violent tendencies. Of course, Kyle does not remember him, but for Todd all the old wounds are opened up and he’s determined to find out just exactly what happened to Kyle all those years ago.
It’s difficult not be too spoilery here, so I will just say that the story takes some interesting twists and turns and I was quite surprised at the person who was ultimately responsible for what happened. I will also say that the crime against Kyle that led to his disappearance was a hate crime, so if that’s a trigger for you, you have been warned. While this part of the story is steeped with the horrific details of what Kyle endured, I never got that punch in the gut like I usually get when reading something that is so tragic that it fills me with emotion so much so that I am moved to tears. I’m a cryer and it doesn’t take much to set me off. It’s all kind of revealed in a very matter of fact way, so much so that I felt quite removed from the story and it’s characters rather than pulled into their grief.
Having said that, I must also note, that the author throws a wrench in here as he uses some science fiction in the form of a medical procedure in his plot to reveal Kyle’s memories. It really comes out of left field in a way, but because I love syfy, I kind of just rolled with it. The scene where Todd learns exactly what Kyle went through; not just learns, but actually feels it and experiences it, did pull me into that place where I was really in the moment and actually felt what the character was feeling.
I finished reading this story two days ago. I wanted to think about it a bit before actually writing down my thoughts and I even went back and read a few passages to refresh my memory of certain events. It reads very much like an NA in the beginning. The way Kyle and Todd act and speak to each other and the fact that this starts in a college setting have all the marks of a New Adult. Which is appropriate for that part of the story, but when the story moves into the future by 15 years after Kyle disappears, it takes a while for the writing to make the jump into a more adult feel. This was a bit unsettling and could be the reason why I never quite fell into the story, feeling more like an observer. As I went back and read a few of the latter chapters, I could almost spot the point when the writing changed and began to feel more mature. I did finally cry too; during the epilogue-which I’m so glad the author included.
Lastly, there were a few word choices that kind of pulled me out of the story here and there. At first, I thought the author must be British or European because of certain word usage. In fact, I didn’t know the story was taking place in Los Angeles until it’s mentioned and Todd states he’s originally from Denver. There is a definite non-American feel to this author’s voice. He uses “lounge” and “living room” interchangeably and also uses the word “bonnet” when he refers to the hood of the car in one scene. It was only at the end when I read his author bio where he states he’s originally from South Africa, but now lives in Christchurch, Aotearoa that I confirmed he was neither British, European or American.
There is no HEA in this story, more like an HFN and I was okay with that. I liked this story and I look forward to reading more by this author. For it’s content, though, I would have liked to have felt the emotion and angst of grief and loss more. It didn’t quite come across very strongly for me. I’m not quite sure how I feel about the mix of contemporary and syfy-but I really liked the syfy element used in here with the futuristic medical procedure and would definitely read a book where that was explored.
Rating: C
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