I picked this book up earlier this week because awkward sex scenes are my cat nip. Almost every romance has two people having sex  and comparing it to angels singing. But in real life, people have bad sex. Or in this case, awkward sex.  F*cking Awkward is an anthology of 24 short sometimes sexy, sometimes charmingly, and sometimes outright hilarious awkward sex scenes that left me giggling and cringing.

Below is a scene from one of those “moments.”  From Wicked Weekend~ featuring  Colton “Bull” Lanier and  & Chaise Lanier~From A.D. Justice’s Steele Security Series. All  this couple wanted was some uninterrupted smexy time to reconnect after a particularly brutal last couple of months. They get so much more from burning lube, overly affectionate dogs, and nosy neighbors.

He rejoined Chaise on the bed. “Now, where were we?” His fingers glided up her legs to her pussy, where the string from the balls hung. Giving it a light tug, he tried to remove them. But they wouldn’t budge.
“Relax, babe.”
“I am relaxed.”
He pulled again. But they wouldn’t move. “Lie down on your stomach for me.”
She glanced over her shoulder at him, giving him a dubious look, but lay flat on her stomach just the same. With another pull, he felt them shift slightly, but he still couldn’t remove them without pulling harder and possibly hurting his wife.
“Colt. What the hell is going on?”
“They won’t come out.”
“What? What do you mean they won’t come out?”
“I mean, they won’t come out. They’re stuck.”
She buried her face in the pillow and shouted obscenities into it. “You have to get them out, Colt. I refuse to go to the emergency room with Ben Wa balls in my hoo-ha and become the poster child of the hospital for a safe-sex campaign.”
“They’re not Ben Wa. They’re Duotone.”
“I don’t care. I do not care. Do you hear me? Get them out.”
“I’ll try more lube. Hang on a second.” He searched for the lubricant he’d used to insert them, but he couldn’t find the tube. “Shit. Just give me a minute. I’ll open the other bottle. I can’t find the one I used a few minutes ago.”
After rattling around in his bag, he pulled out another tube and squirted a generous amount on his fingertips. Gently inserting his fingers inside her, he coated her insides with the slick substance, making sure to cover the balls as well. He gently tugged on the string but with no luck. Giving it a harder tug proved even less helpful, as the string broke in his hand.
“Oh, shit,” he murmured, more to himself than to her.
“Oh, shit! Oh, shit!” she screamed.
“What? What’s wrong?”
“I’m on fire! Holy shit, what did you do?” Chaise jumped out of bed and ran to the bathroom, her hands cupping her sex as she ran, yelling curse words every step of the way. “What the hell kind of lube is that?”
Colt’s jaw fell slack, and he picked up the bottle. “Wickedly ultra-warming lube with ultra-wicked sensations” was the tag line he’d failed to read before he so generously applied it. “Just everyday, normal lube, babe. You must have sensitive skin.”
“The hell you say,” she yelled from the bathroom, over the rush of water flowing into the tub. After several minutes of soaking in the tub, she rejoined him in the bedroom and pitched the Duotone balls at him. “Seems like the string was longer when you first showed them to me.”
“It may have snapped in two when I pulled on it too hard.”
“Uh-huh. Let’s see that bottle of lube now.”
“I lost it.”
“Both bottles?”
“Yep,” he lied. “Ready to finish now?”
Her stare bored holes into him at first, but she finally relented, remembering the reason why they arranged the getaway in the first place. “Okay, but no more toys. No more lube made by the habanero farmers. No more public, indecent-exposure sexcapades. Just you, me, and the bed. At this point, I’m even afraid of trying shower sex.”

F*cking Awkward by Taryn Plendl is available now for purchase for $.99 and 100% of the proceeds go to the Bookworm Box charity.

Goodreads I Kindle I Nook