I jumped out of bed, reaching for my right eye.

A dog barked and a woman’s high-pitched voice screeched, “I have a gun!”

Quickly forgetting the pain radiating from my face, I held my hands up. “You don’t need a gun. I’m not armed, and I’m not going to hurt you. I’m holding my hands in the air.”

A light suddenly flicked on, and I found a five-foot-nothing woman wearing hot pink lacy pajamas, holding a dog that couldn’t weigh more than five pounds. The runt was in one hand while she pointed something at me with the other.

Is that…a pair of readers? My brows knitted. “Is that your gun?”

She waved the glasses around. “I’m a green belt, too!”

My eyes widened. “What is that, like two up from white? Did you take three lessons?”

The blonde’s eyes narrowed. “Leonardo bites.”

As if on cue, the dog growled and showed me his gums. But that was all he seemed to have in his mouth. I pointed. “Does that thing even have teeth?”

The woman scowled. “Shut up. He has a few, and periodontal disease is prevalent in chihuahuas. What do you want from me, and why are you wearing only a towel?”

“Uhh… Because I just showered. And what I want is a good damn night’s sleep, for starters. What the hell are you doing here? I rented this place.”

“You rented this place? I don’t think so. I rented this cabin.”

All of a sudden, the bone beneath my eye started to throb. I reached up and felt the top of my right cheek. “What the hell did you hit me with?”

She dropped the glasses on the bed and flexed her hand open and shut. It looked as red and swollen as my face felt. “Oww. My knuckles really hurt.”

What the fuck is going on here? “You must be in the wrong cabin, lady. How did you get in?”

She pressed on her right hand and winced. “I have the code.”

She rattled it off, and that was the right code, alright. I remembered because it was my ex’s birthday in numeral form—July 13. “Who gave it to you?” I asked.

“The Airbnb host, Amy.”

I had no clue who I’d rented from, but this woman sounded pretty believable. Maybe I was in the wrong cabin? I could’ve sworn the number on the house said fifty. Could I possibly be on the wrong block? Come to think of it, I hadn’t used the code to get in. Though inside looked just like the pictures online…

“Is this Fifty Dogwood Lane?”

“Yes.”

I shrugged. “Well, then this is the place I rented.”

“That’s impossible, because I rented it.” She shook her hand again. “Dammit. My knuckles really hurt.”

“Let me see them.”

“Are you a doctor?”

“No.”

“Then why would I let you see my hand?”

“Because I used to box. I’ve broken my knuckles on faces more times than I can count.”

She hesitated. But at least she put down the toothless dog. The little shit started barking as soon as his feet hit the mattress. He jumped from the bed and ran around me, growling. He wasn’t much of a threat since he didn’t have teeth, so I didn’t move. Though as it turned out, you don’t need teeth to grab things.

And yank.

And now I was standing buck-ass naked, with my junk on full display.

The woman covered her eyes. “Oh my God!”