(Mandi is at the beach, and I’m leaving Smexy in Fiction Vixen’s hands this morning, I have nothing to worry about, right?)
Hi everyone, it’s Sophia from Fiction Vixen here. When Mandi kindly asked me to guest post at Smexy Books I was thrilled! This is my first honest to goodness solo guest post on her blog. Oh I’ve loitered, butted in, and made people uncomfortable at Smexy, but I’ve never had the honor of my very own guest post.
Now this is not a task I take lightly and when I sat down to compose my very best guest post I realized something. I am a terrible guest poster. Mandi, and anyone else who values their blog should avoid inviting me at all costs. No, really, I mean it. Run the other way!
Top Ten Reasons It Is A Really Bad Idea To Invite Me To Guest Post At Smexy Books
10. I will procrastinate until the last minute and make you sweat thinking I will not get my guest post to you on time, leaving you to scramble to fill the day you so kindly reserved for me. Then I will send you my guest post at the last minute leaving you in an awkward position as you have already invited someone else to fill my spot.
9. I will assume that by “guest post”, you mean that I should take over for the day and I will become obnoxiously drunk with power.
8. As soon as you turn the reigns over to me for the day and you leave town I will text and twitter all my friends to invite them over to Smexy to drink your booze raid your smut. My friends and I will act like a bunch of Immortals After Dark Valkyrie and you will be jealous because you missed all the fun.
7. I will overstay my welcome. The invitation may just be for one day but… HA HA HA! I have Smexy Books and you’ll have to pry it from my cold dead hands sister. My.cold.dead.hands. Muhahahahahahaha!
6. While you are gone, I will sneak into your “Smexy’s Boyfriends” corner of the blog and do dirty wicked things with the boys. They will never be the same. They won’t even be able to look you in the eye when you return.
5. I adore Tori, the other half of Smexy Books, and I will attempt to woo her with offers of…well I don’t really have anything to offer her but perhaps I’ll tie her up and hide her over at Fiction Vixen until she swears fealty to me. What? Too creepy?
4. When you return to Smexy Books things will look like you left them but you will suspect that something is different. You will be uneasy for weeks. You will wonder if I peeked into that secret drawer beneath your bed where you keep all your…well, you know what you keep there. You’ll wonder if I took pictures. Heh, I will, count on it.
3. I will change your “About Me” page to more accurately reflect your true reasons for blogging. It shall read as follows:
Mandi created Smexy Books In March of 2009 as the first step in her plans for world domination. First she plans bring the romance community to its knees, then the world. Wha-ha-ha-ha-ha!
2. If I get bored while waiting for you to return, I will spread rumors that you are in fact in jail awaiting trial for lewd conduct. It’s not really all the unbelievable after all.
1. Once you return, and you have properly served your restraining order, I will kindly thank you for your hospitality and sneak out with your towels, and a baker’s dozen of your book boyfriends stuffed in my suitcase.
And there you have it. Why I should not be allowed to leave my own blog for any reason whatsoever. Thanks for inviting me anyway Mandi…it’s about time!!! :)
Ha! Super post. Loved #6. Take pictures. Enjoy your moment of power, while it lasts.
Yes, plenty of pictures! Smexy doesn’t know how to treat those boys properly! LOL
If you really want to make her nuts, wax/shave them all while you’re in there. I’m sure I’d hear the screams up here when she got back.
Ahahahaha!! She would kill me. Where’s the shaving cream? hehehe
Ha, ha!! Now that was hysterical. No mention of an organic mouse though??
I am sure Mandi left the blog on wonderful hands!
No organic mouse. I save organic mouse for me. Smexy set traps here. Meanie!! :)
OMG…ROFLMAO…this is too funny! LOVE this post! smiles…
Glad you enjoyed. Never invite me anywhere. I can’t be trusted.
LMAO…we here at Smexy love you Sophia!!! *hiding till you leave*
Swear fealty Tori. DO IT NOW!!
Interesting tactic of starting on Monday trying to west her down. Maybe by the time Mandi gets back she just won’t be able to take it anymore!
That’s my strategy. I’ve had this planned for weeks!!
I’ll tell you like I tell Mandi. No donuts or bacon, no fealty.
You are so cheap Tori!! LOL. Fiction Vixen is loaded down with actual BACON DONUTS!! mmmm follow the lovely scents….come on. You know you want it. *waggles eyebrows*
Bacon donuts? Interesting flavor combo that makes my arteries cringe with fear.
And I hate autocorrect. Sometimes it makes me look like a fool when I swear I am not!
HA!! T tells me that all the time. :)
Oh FV… you crack me up!!
I crack me up too Nicole. hehe
And you’ll steal Smexy’s moobs and little Eddie doll.
Oh those moobs were never hers Kate. I claimed them first. Smexy is delusional and just thinks moob man is hers because she has his pic in the sidebar. MINE MINE MINE.
Hahaha you are so awesomely wicked :-D
I’m wickedly…that’s for sure. *giggles*
Hey! I have my iPhone on the beach!!! *collects shaving equipment and moobs*
Tori…don’t let them steal u away! ;)
Go away Smexy!!! This is MY blog today!!
No worries. I can’t even be bothered to get dressed and go to corner store. lol
FV, be kind to the one legged Shavin Ken Smexy has abused. Give him lots of love.
Yet another reason for me to take over Smexy. Poor one legged Ken.
Ha! that was funny.
MichelleKCanada
anotherlookbookreviews.blogspot.com
Glad you enjoyed. :)
Lol, awesome guestpost. I love that dry wit! :D
I especially like nr 6, now that is just mean and naughty hihi
I’m thinking I should start packing Smexy’s boyfriends away in my suitcase now since she’s on to me. She might come back from the beach early to rescue the moobs!!
I thoroughly enjoyed this post. Really showcased what a funky and quirky personality you have. Forget using force, your personality alone will make everyone want to befriend you. I liked reason #3, heck I liked them all.
Yes but brute force is so fun! I’ll stick with brute force. :)
*removes Sophia from list of potential guest bloggers*
Smart move. *nods*
Lol, great post Sophia, I really enjoyed it. Perhaps you could just add an unknown moob man to Mandy’s collection, and it will drive her nuts if she doesn’t know who he is ;)
Ok, I thought I’d be clever and post a pic of a scary moob man I could leave for Mandi. I Googled “scary moob man” and now I need to go hide in a closet for a while. *trauma*
Damnit look what you made me do. You have traumatized us both now!
Thanks for the laugh Sophia! Please don’t take Khal-Mandi is already heartbroken enough with what happened on GOT! ;)
No, see, Mandi has it all wrong. Khal is mine and I allow her to put his picture on her sidebar. But make no mistake, the sexy moobie man is MINE. Mine. :)
Roflmao!! Best guest post ever. You will of course be sharing the pictures of what’s under the bed, yes? ;)
That all depends on Smexy and how well she treats me over the next 60 or so years. Muhahahahahahaha
LMAO! Omg I love this! #4 makes me think of Dane Cook’s skit about doing a B&E. ‘What did they taaaake?” lol
I giggle thinking of Smexy biting her nails wondering what I took. Or touched. Or saw. hehehe
LMAO! I loved #6. Try not to break them too badly. ;)
I’ll have’em begging me to break’em again!!
OMG… that post was hilarious… thank you! When I saw the tweet about this post, I thought “Oh it’s like Ellen visiting Opera!” And look… I was right! Great job, Sophia!
AHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! Ellen visits Oprah!! LOLOL
Darn it… that was supposed to be OPRAH not opera!
get ’em FV – go get Smexy’s boyfriends.
They’ve been asking for it for a long time now. *snerk*
Wow FV…very funny post! About number 8, please include me when you raid Smexy’s booze & smut :) Good times!!
Smexy has the BEST smut and booze. She’s going to miss it I’m sure. :)
ROFL Super post, thanks for making me roar with laughter Sophia, I knew I could count on you :-D And poor Mandi, she had no idea what she will find once she gets back ;-p lol